Darlene's Journal

Mussings At the Gym with Some Pouting

2012-01-31T20:54:00.000-08:00

So, here I am, sitting in the gym lobby with flip-flops and a pout on my lips. Nah, you really can't see it on my face but inside me, yes. The boys are in their swimming class. I'm supposed to be working out but I left my running shoes in the house. Dog gone it!

Policy is... You can't leave the premises while your kids are in here. Ed's out playing golf with some guys from our church. I wish I had my Kindle in my backpack so I could at least read a book for 1 1/2 hours! Ugh! But I never bring a book to the gym and I'm not one of those that can read on the treadmill or the spin bike. I just can't keep my balance if I read and run at the same time. Hahaha!Thankfully, I have my [not so smart] phone with me so I can type and get entertained.

So what's the point of this blah-blah-blah? I got a bad attitude. I'm pouting like a school girl who didn't get her way. More like disappointed with myself. With Ed not around, I can't get myself together. How do single parents do it all? I have become so dependent on my husband.

Back to the question, what's the point of this? One, I need the Holy Spirit to take control of my emotions so I have a better attitude. Galatians 5:22-23 says, "The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control." When I'm walking in the Spirit, those things will manifest in my life. No questions, no excuses. The opposite of walking in the Spirit is walking in the flesh. Oh, how easy it is for me to revert back into walking in my sinful flesh! Now I'm singing [in my head] Steve Green's "Fruit of the Spirit" song to shake off the pouting and keep the attitude in check.

Two... I should be happy I get a day off from working out. My body probably needs it. I can always do something when I get home to make up for it. For now, I can go back to the pool and watch the boys swim and see what they've learned in just two weeks of swim lessons.

Thanks for reading this lengthy post.

Why Did You Eat My Ice Cream?!!!

2012-01-29T11:24:00.000-08:00

I was mad and totally disappointed that I was in tears. My husband responded, "But it's just ice cream, honey! I can get you more."

"But they're closed already, it's already 11PM" I replied. I was really upset because I was looking forward to eating my leftover ice cream from several nights ago. I don't eat it very often so I was reserving it as a treat to myself for eating well and working out all week. But it was gone. My hubby ate it.

"I would have been willing to share if you just asked; but you didn't!" Crucifying him with my tearful accusation.

What is wrong with me! It's just ice cream! No, I'm not pregnant. I just needed sugar. Hahaha! And a better attitude.

For two Sundays, the preaching at church cut me like a two-edged sword to the core of my heart. I was almost in tears during sermon last Sunday. Our Pastor is doing a series on Jesus' Sermon on the Mount from Matthew 5. "Christian Counter Culture," he calls it. Last week and this week, he hammered on how we show on the outside how good we look as Christians but we are rotten inside; how we are fake; how we build facades to hide what we really are inside; how we don't hunger for righteousness; how we like to go with the flow to please people.

I am guilty as charged. To most people, save my family and my close friends, I look good. I like to pretend I'm good. I like to show I got it all together. But I know deep inside I don't. I am just the opposite, in fact. Matthew 5:7 says, "Blessed are the merciful for they shall receive mercy." Being a child of God I am a recipient of God's mercy and grace. And because of that I ought to show mercy and grace to others. I am a fake. I can't even show mercy to my husband who ate my precious ice cream! I have three little people in my home that look to me, watching how a Christian should live life. When I have a bad attitude, I fail to point them towards Christ. How can I teach my boys how to live a Christian life that's pleasing to God if I don't do it myself? "Oh Lord, have mercy on me because I am a failure." God and I had several conversations regarding a sin issue for the past two months. I am stubborn but His love and grace pursue me.

So, before I finished writing this post, I had to swallow my pride and walk over to my husband and ask for his forgiveness for the way I acted last night about the ice cream. I'll strive to do better.

"Let's go get some more ice cream. Whatever flavor you like." He said.

Oh, You of Little Faith!

2010-12-12T02:41:00.000-08:00

Between my husband and I, I'm usually the one who is stronger in faith when it comes to finances. I grew up in a third world country with my father a Pastor of small churches. Money was always tight... very tight. I owned only two pairs of shoes - one for school and one for Sundays. That's a far cry from how many pairs I own now. Quite embarrassing, actually. I won't mention the many other things that I had few of or things I didn't have growing up. The Lord always provided for our needs. I've watched my parents carefully spend what little money we had. We never owed anyone but we always had food on the table.

For some reason, this week I just really struggled with lack of faith that God will provide for us this month. As I looked at the things that we need to spend for and the low dollar exchange, my heart sank. "Lord, we don't have enough!" In my worry, I started to feel a tight knot in my stomach. Why am I all of a sudden feeling this? I've seen over and over and over again God's faithfulness and provision.

As I was editing this photo, I was reminded of this verse passage.

Luke 2:22-28:

And he [Jesus] said to his disciples, "Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat, nor about your body, what you will put on.

For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing.

Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds!

And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?

If then you are not able to do as small a thing as that, why are you anxious about the rest?

Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.

But if God so clothes the grass, which is alive in the field today, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith!

God will take care of our needs. He always has because He is faithful. Jesus went on to say in verse 33 about selling what we have in order to give to those in need. He didn't just stop to say that our Heavenly Father will provide for us. He also commanded us to share and meet the needs of others. God is good and He is love. I just need to trust Him - daily.

He Knew All Along

2010-12-03T03:01:00.000-08:00

Hold on to your hats, friends! This is going to be a long one but you may want to stay with me. It shows how blessed I am in spite of what happened.

We were running behind my planned schedule. Nothing new. Ha! The boys were finishing school for the day. I wanted to leave at 4 o'clock in the afternoon to pick up Ed at the airport. His flight wasn't coming in until 11:30 that night but I wanted to go in early to take the boys to a mall children's play place. I also wanted to check out the Office Depot at that mall, eat dinner at a Food Court, and still have time to relax in our hotel room a little bit before heading to the airport. My plans... that's all they were.

I've gone only about a mile from the house and my cell phone rang. I didn't recognize the number so I told Jojo not to pick it up since I was driving, anyway. Five minutes later, Jenni, called and told me Ed was trying to call from Tokyo. His plane was detained on ground more than two hours already. He told me not to bother meeting him at the airport. He would just get a taxi to the hotel. I was really looking forward to meeting him at the airport with him being gone for a week. But there was no telling what time he'd be in.

Only ten minutes after we got on to the big highway, I wasn't getting any power on the gas pedal. I pulled over to the side and turned the engine off. Turned it on again... nothing.... Tried again.... nothing. I was getting nervous. The car died on me! I hope this wasn't something major. I knew I had a lot of gas in the tanks (regular and LPG).

I called our mechanic in town and he said he was sending his guys to help me out.

Although I was fine and calm about the whole incident, I have to admit was little scared - a little woman like me on a big highway with three young boys. I could be a magnet for bad guys out there. But I had so much to be thankful for:

1. I had my plans but God still makes plans for me, overall... and always for MY best.
2. Ed's flight was delayed so I didn't have to feel so bad about not being there at the airport to meet him.
3. We were still within town limits. I was only twenty minutes away from home and our mechanic's shop.
4. We got stuck at a U-turn spot where there are street lights. Before and after that point, it was dark.
5. We really have an awesome mechanic with very helpful assistants. They've rescued us many times already. Once, they drove an hour one way to get to us because we couldn't find anyone in that town to help us. That night I was stuck on the highway, after coming to check out my car, the employees went to our house, got their boss to bring his tow truck, got the ministry van, and drove it to where I was so I didn't have to waste time going home. They treated me like royalty, helped me with the boys, checked to make sure I had oil and water in the van, and made sure I drove away safely.
6. All the time, my boys were content even though they were hungry (it was 9 o'clock before we got to stop for supper). They entertained themselves. They were understanding and helpful when I needed help.
7. And the icing on the cake? That picture above. What a beautiful sunset sky we were looking at while sitting in the car waiting for help. (picture is straight out of the camera, no editing whatsoever!)

I will fear no evil, for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

Psalm 23:4b

God knew all along this was going to happen. God is a caring and loving God, for no reason at all other than just because His very nature is LOVE. He didn't leave me with no help. I had my cell phone; I was able to call our mechanic (I had his number!!!). Many friends on facebook were praying just because I was able to update my status and our co-worker/friend, Jenni put out a prayer request on her status, too. I was tired that day but thank God, I put hot coffee in my travel mug with me!

Wun Khawp Khoon Phra Chao

2010-11-24T08:24:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! I have so much to be thankful for on this "Wun khawp khoon Phra Chao." (That's literally translated as "Day to thank the Lord) This being thanksgiving week, here's what I'm thankful for this week. Not that I'm not thankful the rest of the year. On the contrary, I am so-oh blessed there's too many to list. So... I'll stick to just this week:

- My sweet husband. He had to fly to the States for a funeral but he made sure I had a full 1,000-liter tank of water and 17 more filled jugs so I don't have to do much water run while he's away for a week. And he mopped the floors too! So thoughtful and so caring.

- On Monday, we celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary. I am thankful that my husband is also my best friend.

- Jenni Starkey, our friend and co-worker. She kept the boys for us for two days so Ed and I can go on our anniversary date.

- The little things that God orchestrates because He knows what's going to happen ahead before we even know, like.... Ed was able to get a seat on a flight to the US just a little over 24 hours before he had to check in. You know how hard it is to get a seat this week, Thanksgiving week??? The lady at the counter asked Ed how he got a ticket because the flight was fully booked!

- Our frequent flyer miles through Delta Air. Ed's round trip plane ticket was less than $400! He was told that the regular price would have been $1,700!!!

- Jenni already planned to take the week off of language school this week before we learned about Pastor Tim's passing. Jenni has been a big help to me while Ed is away.

- Magic Jack! So we can call the States unlimited for free. If you don't know what it is, just Google it. Ha!

- I am rejoicing over the salvation of a dear girl who finally made it right before God regarding eternity. My heart swelled after I heard the news.

- I got to see a friend from college that I haven't seen in 15 years. I am so encouraged by her love for the Lord and heart for missions.

- Pastor Tim Nyhuis. He was Ed's youth pastor since Ed was about 10 years old at the church where he got saved. He was Ed's friend, mentor, and spiritual father through the years. The man had literally seen Ed through teens years, military, college years... ever since he first knew Ed! They talked on the phone only a few weeks ago. So thankful for a man of God who poured out his life on Ed and the many people that God entrusted to him through the 33/34 years he had been at Hartford Federated Church in Hartford, Michigan.

See? I told you, I have a lot to be thankful for, and that's only for this past few days. Tomorrow, Jenni, the boys, and I will travel to Bangkok to celebrate Thanksgiving with other American missionaries. Looking forward to food and fellowship! Happy Thanksgiving again!

How To Be Nice To Others

2010-11-08T19:14:00.000-08:00

A few weeks back I was reading Luke 6:27-45 and found this really good list on my Bible's footnotes. This is just straight from my Scofield Study Bible. I can't improve more on this one so I'm just going to type it word for word.

HOW TO TREAT OTHERS
Tell the truth when testifying about your neighbor. Exodus 20:16
   Do no covet anything that belongs to your neighbor. Exodus 20:17
Love your neighbor as yourself. Leviticus 19:18
   Don't move your neighbor's boundary marker. Deuteronomy 27:17
Don't take your neighbor to court. Proverbs 25:8
   Don't visit your neighbor too often. Proverbs 25:17
If someone forces you to go one mile, go two. Matthew 5:41
   Pray for those who persecute you. Matthew 5:44
Do good to those who hate you. Matthew 5:44
   Love your enemies. Luke 6:27
Bless those who curse you. Luke 6:28
   If someone takes your cloak, give your tunic too. Luke 6:29
Give to everyone who asks of you. Luke 6:30
   Lend to others and don't expect anything back. Luke 6:35
Don't judge. Luke 6:37
   Don't be a stumbling block to others. Romans 14:13

I found myself feeling guilty for NOT doing most of what's on the list. The Holy Spirit gave me a new light to that Luke 6 passage as I was reading it that breezy, dewy morning. It is nothing but Jesus' commands for ME, as a child of God, so that I may show HIS love to others.

♪ ♫ ♬ In my life, Lord, be glorified, be glorified.

In my life, Lord, be glorified today. ♪ ♫ ♬

Q & A: My Spiritual Journey

2010-11-04T02:08:00.000-07:00

OK, this is going to be scary. Mainly because I'm going to be opening my heart a little bit wider than I am comfortable with. Oh, I don't have a problem with that - when face to face. It's different when you're doing it online because you'll never know who's reading. You can't see the other person's facial expressions and response to what you just said.

There's a lady who's blog I've been following. Ashley Sisk did something like this on her blog to share a little bit about herself. I wanted to do it to but focus mainly on my spiritual journey. I trust that the God of grace, mercy, and love will encourage your heart as you read. So, here we are:

One: When did you become a Christian? I realized I was a hopeless sinner and that I needed a Savior. I asked Jesus into my heart sometime after I turned four. I don't remember the exact date but I can still vividly remember the events surrounding that rainy afternoon when my mom shared the Gospel with me.

Two: Was there a time after that that you thought you were still headed to hell? Oh yes! I asked Jesus to come into my heart several more times until I was in sixth grade and just gave everything over to the Lord.

Three: If you can turn back the clock, would you undo something? A definite yes. Not just something, though. Several things, actually. Sometimes, Satan still tries to put guilty feelings in me and tempt me to forget Christ's work and sacrifice on the cross. Thank God for His love and forgiveness. Whew!

Four: How were you as a teenager? Oh no! Bad! Attitude, lying, self-worth struggles, feeling unloved, seeking all other things other than God, troubled friendships, and the list goes on. I can sum it all up in 1 John 2:15-16, "Do not love the world or the things of the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world - the desires of the flesh, the desires of the eyes, and pride in possessions - is not from the Father but is from the world." I didn't know how to love others and who I am in Christ because I didn't love God.

Five: Was there ever a time when you wanted to call it quits as a Christian? Yes. I thought things would be easier away from God. But the more a got away from God, the more I didn't have peace and joy in my heart. Several mature Christians saw and understood my predicament and reached out to me in love and in prayers. I thank God for using them to rescue me back to Him.

Six: What was it like growing up as as Pastor's kid? Hard. Partly because there was a verbal expectation of how I should behave because I am a PK. Partly because I rebelled because something was expected of me. I didn't really understand what it is to just please and honor God from the bottom of my heart.

Seven: Did you always want to be a missionary? No. In fact, when I was in Bible college for one year, I gave my life to God for full-time Christian service during missions conference but specified to God in my prayer that He ought to call me to serve Him just in the Philippines, nowhere else, especially not in Thailand. Ha!

Eight: How did you end up being a missionary in Thailand? I was serving at a church in the Philippines, the same church I attended while in college. Half way into my second year of full-time work there, I sensed that God was calling me to Thailand. It was weird. I would wake up in the middle of the night and "see" myself teaching kids in Thailand! I was very happy and content with my ministry in that church so I was perplexed. Six months later, I was on a plane to Bangkok with my Aunt, Miss Marina Cagas, who's been a missionary to Thailand for 35+ years now.

Nine: What are your favorite books other than the Bible, of course? Oooohh! I have so many. One book that I keep going back to is "Instruments in the Redeemer's Hands - People in Need of Change Helping People in Need of Change" by Paul D. Tripp. It's a counseling book but I find myself needing it over and over again. One I'm currently trying to finish is "The Cross Centered Life" by C.J. Mahaney. I have several books on my mental list that I'd like to read next. I love to read.

Ten: Since there are 10 questions here, can you name ten people who have been helpful in your spiritual walk? My hubby, of course. My papa. My mama. Nan Mosher. Connie Ceballos. Romillas Necesito. Levi Layos. Took Hammond. Lisa Caynor. Robert Mullen.

Cause I'm Random, Just Like That!

2010-10-24T23:54:00.000-07:00

Do I have ADHD? I couldn't keep still. My friends in grade and high schools used to to call me not "Darlene Dawn" but "Darlene Prawn" because I literally jumped all over the place. I didn't know how to walk; I ran! My attention span was always short. Or maybe it still is.

Even now, it's still hard for me to focus on just one thing at a time. I keep finding myself multitasking. But do I multitask because doing only one thing bores me to death? Do the two previous sentences mean the same? I'm loosing my focus. Ha! I am consistently in awe that God would choose me to be where I am now to do what I do now considering the "ME."

today's rainbow mentioned below

Anyway, so here are my random thoughts today:

It's been three weeks since I last wrote on my blog.

I miss being in the States during the fall season.

(Looking out the window) Oooh! The clouds are beautiful. It's really bright out. Man! Jayjay broke my sunglasses. I need a new pair.

Jay, I wish you didn't slobber all over the balloon before you asking me to blow it.

What should I fix for dinner? Maybe pizza? I have dough in the freezer.

It's really hot and humid today.

My house is a mess. I'm too lazy to pick up the pageS that my toddler tore off of a book.

I really should go out for a run today.

The toddler needs to take a nap.

I need a nap. Weird, because I had eight hours of sleep last night.

This coffee is not keeping me awake. Or is it the hot weather that's making me sleepy?

I need to take Jayjay's three-year old photo today or sometime this week.

It seems like UNO cards just keep appearing out of no-where. I keep finding them around the house.

It's almost the end of October.

I'm thirsty.

I've never fixed garbanzo beans (chick peas) before. What do I do with the pack that I bought from the grocery store four months ago???

I'd like to try a new recipe this week.

I really like Sam Tsui's voice.

It would be fun to go camping with my little fam. Maybe during our Christmas break.

I'd like to finish reading the book, "The Cross Centered Life" this week.

OK, so now... it looks like it's going to rain. Again.

And the sky is bright. Again.

I need to get off this computer and do something productive.

There are ten guys sitting and chatting outside in front of the shop houses, discussing about their motorbikes.

It's almost 5PM. I need to start dinner.

I hope I get to visit my parents soon. It's almost three years since I last saw them. *sigh*

Cold Stone ice cream sounds very good right now.

Look at that beautiful rainbow in the sky. I can see all the colors! I'll take some pictures.

I need to end this list. It's almost 6PM and I haven't started dinner yet.

I am so distracted and I am not making sense. ADHD?

Hahahahaha!

My "38" List

2010-10-04T12:37:00.000-07:00

Thirty eight. There! I said it! That's how old I am. Here I am sitting at my computer at 2:30 in the morning - WIDE AWAKE! I made this silly rule at home that I don't cook on my birthday. We either order in or eat out. We went out for dinner tonight. Our favorite restaurant in town is having Mexican buffet for four days. It was a very pleasant surprise. Yumm! Coffee and tea came with the meal so I had latte, a strong one! So now, here I am so wide-eyed.

In honor of my age, here are 38 things I am thankful to God for: (in no particular order, except #'s 1-7)

1. God. He chose to love me in spite of me.
2. My hubby. He ain't perfect but he's perfect for me. I thank God for his servant's heart. I am one spoiled wife!
3. Josiah, my oldest. He is a talented and smart boy. He corrects my grammar and he always strives to make me happy.
4. Boaz, my middle one. I am forever in awe that God chose me to be his mommy six years ago. It's amazing how much he looks like me! He loves to make me cards and write me "notes."
5. Micah Jasper, my youngest boy. He makes me laugh everyday. Sure, he's a toddler and throws tantrums but he is a sweetheart. I'm so blessed to be given the chance to raise up another boy.
6. My Dad. He always pointed me towards God. His love and devotion for the Lord became my guiding post through rebellious teen years.
7. My Mom. She fussed at me when I got lazy but now I am so thankful she did. She prepared me for my wife and mom duties now.
8. My extended family - both my mom and my dad's sides. I am thankful for the Christian heritage all the way from both sets of grandparents.
9. Marina Cagas, my aunt. She was the one who prayed for me as a young girl that God would call me to be a missionary. She was the one who brought me to Thailand for the very first time in 1996.
10. Music, for the opportunities God gives me to serve Him through that.
11. The love to cook. I've had so many wonderful memories of fellowshipping with friends and family over food in my kitchen.
12. The ministry in Kabinburi. I learn so much about faith, service, and love for God and others.
13. My middle son's birth parents for entrusting us with his life. That's bravery on their part and God's great display of His sovereignty.
14. Thailand, Thai people, and Thai food.
15. Missionary friends. They teach me a lot. They pray for me a lot. They understand where I'm coming from when I feel discouraged.
16. Jenni Starkey, our co-worker and friend. We learn so much from each other. I've known her since 1997.
17. Coffee!!! LOL!
18. Photography and the chance to have it as my hobby.
19. My high school close girl friends. We still are very close and still keep in touch on a regular basis. Thanks to email, facebook, and texting.
20. Shenandoah Baptist Church family (our sending church) in Virginia. We are beyond blessed to have these people in our lives.
21. Financial supporters who sacrificially give so we can be here in Kabinburi.
22. Prayer warriors that faithfully uphold us before the throne of grace so that we won't pack our suitcases and leave the mission field.
23. Running. And the strength and love to do it.
24. My closely knit friends who help me walk in the right path through their friendship, prayers, and encouragement from God's Word. You know who you are.
26. Water at Jenni's house. Even though we don't have running water at our place, Jenni's place is only kitty-corner from us.
27. My flower garden. It's my stress reliever and one of my favorite places to find a subject for photography.
28. Believers in Kabinburi. They are encouragement from God when I get discouraged. God reminds me that these believers know the One, true, and living God because God called us to here.
29. Facebook. I'm serious. I live away from family and friends and facebook is how I get connected with everyone. I don't get as lonely anymore as I did years ago before social networking was born.
30. The opportunity to live in the US for a little while before coming back to Thailand full-time. I met SO many wonderful people. Some of them became like family.
31. Carpal tunnel syndrome. What? I'm thankful for that? Yes. When it acts up, I get to rest and my boys get to do my job. Hahaha!
32. "The Andy Griffith Show" and "Gomer Pyle, USMC" on DVDs. Those are our regular entertainment at home.
33. Christian Thai friends.
34. Non-Christian Thai friends.
35. Our local market just 500 meters down the road from us. It is so abundant with fresh fruits and vegetables e.v.e.r.y.d.a.y!
36. Street side restaurants all around our area. Oh, especially when I'm lazy or too tired to cook.The foods are cheap and very delicious.
37. Thai massage!
38. The last but certainly not the least. Intentionally, written as the last one - God's Word, the light on my path so I can walk the straight and narrow way to the Heavenly Father's heart.

I wrote this in 59 minutes. I could have written more but I had to stop at that number. Praise God from whom all blessings flow. I am one blessed girl!

What's Ministry and What's "My" Life?

2010-09-19T22:24:00.000-07:00

So many of my friends are blogging. It's mostly about their random daily lives and some life lessons thrown in here and there. I love reading them. They help me get to keep up with them and not miss them so much, unlike before facebook and blogging became popular.

I have been thinking lately about my own blog. Should I convert this into "all" blog and not solely my spiritual journal? Should I start blogging about my family life and other random stuff? That will be another blog added to four that I already maintain: Ministry Blog, My Boys' Blog, My Photography Blog (I think you should totally check out my photos! Hehehe! Well... all of those blogs, really!), and then this one. Whew! Four!

But then I had a light bulb moment! Aha!

There's really no dividing line, not even a fine dividing line between "my life" and my ministry. My life IS ministry. First, our house is also the ministry building. Second, my main ministry is my family. Third, my husband and I are the ministers in this ministry. Even our boys help out a lot in this ministry.

Someone once asked me, "Don't you want to live in a place where it's not the ministry building?" Another one asked, "Don't you want your privacy?" Yet another one asked, "Don't you want to get a maid or a nanny or a tutor for your boys (we homeschool) so you can minister?"

Here are my answers to those questions. "Yes!" But that is not what God wants for me. My life IS ministry. (I said that already, didn't I?) People watch how I keep my house, how I train my boys to help in the house, how we live as a family. Where we are, there's not much of that for people to see. We are a light here. Do I want my privacy? Ummm... Do I have something to hide? God wants us to be bearers of His light and His love. We need to SHOW what Christian life is all about. Who/what I am in private should be the same in public. I say, should, because I'm not always that way. God help me.

"That you may show yourselves to be blameless and guiltless, innocent and uncontaminated, children of God without blemish (faultless, unrebukable) in the midst of a crooked and wicked generation [spiritually perverted and perverse], among whom you are seen as bright lights (stars or beacons shining out clearly) in the [dark] world." [Philippians 2:15 (Amplified Bible)]

Back to blogging. I'll keep this as my spiritual journal. You can read about our family/ministry life through our other blogs mentioned above. Even my photography blog shows a lot about our everyday random lives here. Thanks for stopping by this blog and I hope you are blessed. Please come back often.

God Loved on Me

2010-09-15T20:21:00.001-07:00

I thought I had a pretty good understanding of the fullness of God's love until I started this "Love Journey" study that our home church Senior Pastor had put out for our church family over the summer months. It's an eight-week study that makes you dig into God's Word daily, have you memorize Scripture passages weekly, and challenge you to act on specific "Love God" and "Love Others" commandments. I'm only on the second week but I'm learning so much and I'm getting so much blessing from His Word.

I wrote this blog a few years back, "Are You Loved?" But now I realize I do not have a good grasp of God's love, especially for me. That's probably the reason why I'm still having a hard time loving others. Oh, I sure do love my family and friends; but they're easy to love. How about the ones that aren't? Yesterday I had just a tiny, ittty-bitty, little sneak peak of God's love through someone I met only twice. Both meetings were "chance" meetings which I like to call, "divine appointments."

During our first meeting I had no idea who this person was but from our conversation, all I saw was God's love and truth flowing out of her. Like I could almost see them spilling over like an overflown cup. My life was forever changed. I was challenged to change my life into a walking-by-faith-not-by-sight life.

Yesterday, I was sharing something with her from my heart. I felt so confident and so mature-like. Her response was, "I don't want to talk about those, I want to talk about your life. I think what you just said was an attitude of spite. Until you bend down on your knees before God and your heart goes down too, God cannot work amazing things through you." Ouch! The rebuke I got was spoken in such love and compassion that I felt like I got spanked by the Heavenly Father but yet at the same time, I felt very much loved. If was a weird feeling. I didn't feel condemned or shamed. I just felt... LOVED!

As I was leaving the room and walking out in to the hallway, this "older" sister in Christ called out to me, "I love you!" I responded, "I love you, too!" And all of a sudden I felt this warmth all around my body and I was in tears.

You see, I learned shortly after our first meeting that this dear sister is of royal blood (literally, a royal descendant). She didn't look at me as a commoner and a foreigner in this country. She looked at me with equality through the royal blood of Jesus Christ. All I showed her was immaturity, lack of faith, and a judgmental attitude... amongst other things; but she saw past that.

God knew I needed that experience to make me have a visual picture of God's love, just to get a glimpse. Just a glimpse.

Noticed something in that picture above? There are lots of roses all around but the butterfly chose to land on the withered one and it sat there for a long time! I'm kind of like that rose - withered, ugly, ready to fall to the ground. But like the butterfly, God saw something in me, landed on me, and loved on me.

1 John 3:1, "Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God!..."

Wow! You Blow Me Away, God!

2010-09-02T08:52:00.000-07:00

I don't know how many times I said this today: "You blow me away, God! You blow me away!" God is working in our lives in ways we've never seen before. It's one thing to have faith to believe that God can and will do great things for His glory, but it's also another thing and a totally, equally faith-requiring, life-changing experience to be a part of that great thing and knowing that it could only get greater because God is ready to display His unlimited power and His unparalleled greatness.

[OK. Sorry, that was a looooooooooooooooooong sentence. Probably the longest sentence I've ever written in my life! Hahaha! You can tell I'm just really blown away. Please bare with me.]

I'm awestruck. This is beyond my faith; beyond my reasoning; beyond what I ever dreamed of. When God speaks, He speaks - in His terms. When God gives vision, He gives vision only to advance His kingdom - what we are are nothing but broken vessels. When God commands, He commands in His will with so much unconditional love attached to it. When God leads, He leads and provides what we need (spiritual, emotional, physical) along the way - without us having to think or worry about those things because He already prepared the provisions.

Deuteronomy 10:21 says, "He is your praise, and He is your God, who has done for you these great and awesome things which your eyes have seen."

The question now is... Is my heart ready and open for Him to do all that He wants to do through me? Am I totally 100% without any reservations going to make myself see His greatness and His glory?

"Oh, Lord! I am but a pebble in the sand. My faith is even smaller. Please work a miracle in my heart. Amen."

Pesky Ants

2010-08-31T06:05:00.000-07:00

I love living in Asia. I can survive the heat and humidity elevens months out of the year. But the ants? I can't stand them! I STRONGLY dislike them. They seem to just come out of nowhere. I'm beginning to believe they have a stronger sense of smell than dogs have. In fact, just yesterday... I brought my mug to my computer table so I could get on facebook and check email while sipping my hot coffee. I was half-way through my mug and the ants started crawling up!

Ant societies have divisions of labor, communication between individuals, and an ability to solve complex problems. These parallels with human societies have long been an inspiration and subject of study. (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ants)

The Bible mentions the ants in Proverbs 30:25, "Ants are creatures of little strength, yet they store up their food in the summer."

I found myself mesmerized by a group of ants carrying a pea that I dropped on the ground. A few things came to mind:

1. These ants are quick! It didn't take them long to smell food. They didn't waste any time.
2. They work as a team. Only one cannot accomplish the task... it's too big and too heavy!
3. They are constantly busy. Day in and day out, they're in my house. Sometimes they get into really gross stuff in the trash that I don't care to mention here.
4. They're ambitious - big goal setters. Oh the things I've seen them carry are beyond my understanding!
5. They persevere. The task is big; the destination may be far; the road along the way is not always smooth. Yet, they accomplish what they set their minds to do.

Wow! I will end with this.... shouldn't we, humans, emulate those characteristics when it comes to working together in God's ministry? We (mainly ME) tend to sit contentedly in mediocrity in what we should accomplish. We bask in our separatism and reluctance in working with others to achieve the same goal for God's kingdom. We over-celebrate individualism and focus a lot on the "me" than the "all about God" mindset. I have to admit, I have failed in these areas over and over again.

Next time I see ants, I need to remember those five things. "Lord, grant me the courage to be what You want me to be to accomplish what You've given me to do."

Keep Looking Up, Dar!

2010-06-26T06:00:00.000-07:00

One advice that I so habitually ignored when I was young was to apply Hebrews 12:2: "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith..."

In WHATEVER we face in life, we ought to fix our eyes on Him alone. He loves us so much that He is interested in everything we do. He is the source of our faith and He is also the one who can polish it into something pleasing in His eyes. He delights in knowing every single detail of our lives because He adores us and loves us.

I've been reminded over and over again these past few weeks about Peter wanting to walk on water when he saw Jesus walking on water. I'm sure you know the idiom, "getting your feet wet." Peter's scenario was not the origin of the idiom (it was Joshua and the Israelites' Jordan River crossing, actually). Many times we don't get to experience big things in life or the things that God has prepared for us because we are afraid to "get our feet wet." Peter wasn't perfect. He lost his focus on the Lord (back to that verse again); but he was brave enough to get out of the boat, not like his fellow disciples who were scared! to! death!!!

I gave this same illustration to a dear friend a few years ago when she was in doubt about God's specific leading in her life at that time. I think I remember telling her this, "Unless you step out in faith out of that boat, you might not find out what God has in stored for you."

I still struggle to fully focus my eyes on Jesus. I so often allow the things around to distract me from focusing my gaze on my Lord. Many times I'm afraid to ask God to give me the courage to ACTIVELY seek His direction and revelation in my life because I'm afraid of changes and I'm afraid that the things that God will reveal to me will blow me away, out of my comfort zone.

I think, a great pair to Hebrews 11:2 is Jeremiah 29:11: "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." All I need to do is trust God that all that He has for me are only for my good. Keep looking up, Dar!

Shame on Me!

2010-03-28T00:06:00.000-07:00

What is going on with me? Why so emotional?

I was sitting at the kitchen table to rest my feet after cleaning up from Sunday's lunch fellowship in our Student Center/Church. I can hear Selah playing on the little boom box in the other room. "Depth of Mercy" played. I had never really listened to the words before but today I did.

Depth of mercy; can there be mercy still reserved for me?

Can my God His wrath forbear me, the chief of sinners, spare?
Heaven find me on my knees; Hear my soul’s impassioned plea
Depth of mercy can there be; Mercy still reserved for me

Then Selah's own rendition and arrangement of "I Surrender All" came on. Growing up in church as a pastor's kid, to me that song is old and out of date, or so I thought, compared to the newer more touching, feel-good songs. The rendition was so heart-felt that the familiar words pricked my heart and made my mind think of the profoundness of the familiar words.

All to Jesus I surrender; Make me, Savior, wholly Thine
Let me feel the Holy Spirit truly know that Thou art mine
I surrender all; I surrender all
All to Thee, my blessed Savior
I surrender all.

I walked over to the little boom box and played again the two songs I just listened to. I got teary eyed. What very powerful words I heard today. The depth of God's mercy for me is unfathomable. Every single day His mercies are new - never out of date, never stale, always fresh. I was crying. I was overwhelmed. God loved me so much that He gave His life for me, a very wretched person with reprobate qualities by nature! The least I can do is to surrender all of me and whatever accompanies my being. Just because I am a missionary and living in a land away from my family and friends doesn't mean I have given my all to God. I still struggle with letting go of so many things in my life. I struggle not once a year, once a month, or once a week. I struggle daily! Why is it so hard to let go and let God take control of all of me knowing He knows best and only has my best interest in mind?

I appeal to you therefore, brethren, and beg of you in view of the mercies of God, to make a decisive dedication of your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy (devoted, consecrated) and well pleasing to God, which is your reasonable (rational, intelligent) service and spiritual worship. [Romans 12:1]

Wow! The Apostle Paul couldn't have said it better! Period. Shame on me if I give God anything less than my all, my whole being!

Don't Get Fooled Again!

2010-03-04T20:00:00.000-08:00

Don't get fooled by that little, sweet, innocent face. He's trouble. He makes life really exciting for us. Having three young children at home with no maid or nanny is really not that hard EXCEPT... having a two-year-old. Ha! That's totally another story.

Exciting event in the Weber household: Mom fills up the 10-liter water filter. Baby empties it all. Kitchen is flooded (thank God we have tiled floors!!!). Mom and older boys mop the floor. Kitchen is clean!!!

[January 20, 2010] One day it was a 2-liter water bottle that got emptied inside the fridge. Fridge got cleaned too! I... love how a 2-yr-old's activities force you to clean your house. ;-) Right after that, he threw a NT Bible, a joystick, a place mat, and a sock out the window on to the awning roof. And just now, tried to get into my vanity cabinet. life is exciting for me!
[March 5, 2010] Events that took place in a matter of five minutes while I was eating breakfast: toddler dipped his toy trucks in my tea; toddler got into the spice cabinet; toddler got into plastic container cabinet; toddler colored the kitchen table with yellow and red crayons. I turned around to clean up his mess and he ate my breakfast!!!

[April 11, 2010] Just recently he started throwing crying fits while squeezing the tears out as hard as he can. It's hard not to laugh in front of him. Sometimes, he also pretends he's crying like his older brother, Boom, and then laughs at himself.

Strawberry milk shake mustache
(sorry my lens got fogged up)

Look what he did to my Easter egg dye
when I turned around to dry the eggs!

But then...
there's the irresistible smile and
the hugs and kisses that come with it.
Ahhh! I love this boy and I'm so blessed to be his mommy.

"What My Feet Pleat!"

2009-07-18T01:15:00.001-07:00

My two older boys love art and I try my best to allow them to enjoy that. I hate the cleaning up afterwards. Although they clean up most of it, I still have to make sure there are no paint drips or open markers laying around for the baby to grab and paint the walls. Hahaha! Yesterday was no different. The boys were doing some finger painting. Being the trouble-maker that he is, Boom-Boom got paint all over his shirt, mixed blue with yellow, and dripped paint all over the floor AND stepping on them! I ordered him to go to the bathroom so we can wash his feet. A few seconds later I heard this conversation:

Boom: Manong (big brother), can you wash my feet?

Jojo: What do you say?

Boom: What my feet, pleat! (Boom language which means "Wash my feet, please!")

Jojo: OK.

How many of us are willing to wash our sibbling's feet? At age 8? Not me.

^{John 13:4-8 [Jesus] got up from supper, and laid aside His garments; and taking a towel, He girded Himself. Then He poured water into the basin, and began to wash the disciples' feet and to wipe them with the towel with which He was girded. So He came to Simon Peter. He said to Him, "Lord, do You wash my feet?" Jesus answered and said to him, "What I do you do not realize now, but you will understand hereafter." Peter said to Him, "Never shall You wash my feet!" Jesus answered him, "If I do not wash you, you have no part with Me." NASB}

^{These two boys are not even biological brothers but they are inseparable and they always help each other. And partly because of that, they learn to love and appreciate each other. Of course, they do argue and fight just like other kids but they do serve each other on a regular basis. I was going to wash Boom's feet and I probably would have done it with matching yelling at Boom-Boom for being so careless. Jojo did it with a willing heart. I even heard the two boys giggle in the bathroom. What a good example Jojo was to me about servanthood and humility.}

My Life is Service

2009-07-11T02:41:00.000-07:00

It's been a month since my last posting. What a busy month June had been for our family - travels, guests, English camps at two schools, and as I am writing this we are hosting a team of thirteen people. We've had plenty of ministry opportunities - ministry ministry, ministry to friends, ministry to my family, etc. It seems like the whole theme was on service. Funny... because right when I was at the point where I was so emotionally and physically tired of serving other people, I saw this sign on a law firm door: "My life is service." It was like God giving me a slapping reminder on the face. "Darlene, your life is service."

Serving God by serving others is joyful and easy when we are full of energy and are vibrant in attitude. But what about those times when we are exhausted, fed up, selfish (what about serving ME this time?), and being required by God to do an extra act, an extra task, an extra hour? Are we still joyful? Am I still joyful? Much as I hate to admit it but there were a few times this past month when I wasn't a happy camper because I had to serve more than I was willing to.

Philippians 2:3-4 says, "Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others." (NASB)

When we willingly obey God about serving others, He gives us joy and contentment in serving even if there wasn't a fanfare appreciation for our deeds. That's when God is pleased with our service!

Joy and Hope

2009-06-10T06:46:00.000-07:00

I really don't know but for some reason this phrase kept popping up in my head yesterday, "the joy of the Lord." Hmmm...

...the joy of the Lord is my STRENGTH. Even when I am tired, discouraged or just plain have no motivation, the joy of the Lord is my strength.

...the joy of the Lord gives me JOY. It's not based on what I have or don't have. It's not based on my mood. It's not based on any of my accomplishments. Not even on my spouse or my kids. It's based on who God is!

...the joy of the Lord is my HOPE. Too many people around me are sad, discontented, feeling like a failure, wandering around with no goals and direction. Sad to say that some Christians are the same way. But when I put my trust in Jehovah, He gives me the joyful anticipation of knowing that He has something wonderful planned for me and my family.

Psalm 19:8 says, "The precepts of the LORD are right, giving joy to the heart. The commands of the Lord are radiant, giving light to the eyes." That's what Christian life should be right there - joyful and hopeful!

Beauty

2009-06-01T02:48:00.002-07:00

Just two days ago, people around the world anticipated the "Britain's Got Talent" finale. Seven weeks before that, Susan Boyle, took the www by storm. If you got on the internet regularly, you most likely heard her angelic voice or saw a video of her first performance on the big stage. When I first saw her video I cried. I then researched the search engines on whatever I could find about her. What a lowly background! She deserved to win although she came in only second. Blogs and news reports went flying the moment the winner was revealed on BGT's finale. Sad to say, many people had to say something not-so-nice about Susan's physical apprearance.

Beauty is very subjective. As a famous quote says... "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." Most people think that you have to be good looking to be successful. In my own experience, many times I get better service if I'm wearing make-up and dressed nicely. It clearly depicts the mindset we are emerged in . One of my favorite Bible verses is found in 1 Peter 3:3-4:

Your adornment must not be merely external--braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.

Two key words: merely and precious.

"Merely" clearly states that the outside apperance need not be neglected, but should not be the only important thing. "Precious" gives a picture of a gem - something beautiful to behold; something that is far more of value to God than the latest fashion trend and accessory.

Susan is not one of the most attractive person in the music world out there. I see beauty and strength within her. I try to see beauty beyond what is obvious to the eye, although I don't always. Someone recently posted this on her facebook status: "The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think." True about men. True about women too! I'm guilty as charged. Many times I put too much emphasis on how I look outside that I totally neglect "the hidden person of the heart." Oh, Lord, have mercy on me!

Superboy!

2009-05-26T00:38:00.000-07:00

I grew up in the era of Superman, Wonder Woman, the Justice League, and Superfriends. Wow! If that's not going to give away my age, what will? I wanted to be Wonder Woman - being able to disappear, being able to help others with my power. I also wanted to marry Superman. Now... I can hear you snickering in front of your computer monitor. And when Superman and Wonder Woman marry, what would they have? Superboy!

Well... I'm no Wonder Woman; just a woman who constantly wonder about so many things in life. I didn't marry Superman, either. Although, sometimes he does things that are super cool! We DID HAVE a Superboy. I know it sounds funny but this is a true story that happened a few months back. (Sorry for the very late posting. Too many things to do in a day. I told you, I'm not Wonder Woman. Hahaha!)

We were going to eat lunch out with our friend and co-worker, Jenni. I was finishing getting ready in our bedroom on the second floor. When Jayjay (who was sixteen months at that time) saw his Daddy and brothers heading out the door, he ran after them down the stairs. Thinking he was being left behind, he JUMPED off the stairs!!! Ten feet straight down to the concrete floor while Ed (my husband) and Jenni were watching in horror and shock!

All I heard upstairs was... "No, Jay! No Jay! (two-second silence) Oh, Jay! Oh, Jay!" That's enough to make a mother's heart stop beating! I ran down the steps not really knowing what had happened. I found Ed cuddling a very pale toddler and a horrified "Aunt."

I held Jayjay in my arms and cooed in his ears, "Oh, baby! Oh mommy's baby!" We tried to keep him alert while Jenni told me what happened. As Jayjay was free-falling, his arms were wide open to the sides like he was flying. Now, if you had a child you would know that babies' heads are heavy and usually the first ones to hit the ground. Jayjay's head was up and his chin was the last to touch the floor!!! Fifteen minutes later, pink color came back to his face and he was walking. Thirty minutes later he was eating lunch at his usual superboy speed. An hour later he was walking around, pushing his stroller, and giggling.

That still didn't put us at peace. We decided to take him to a doctor in Bangkok. Four hours later we were sitting in the doctor's examination room after an x-ray was taken. The doctor shook his head and asked us AGAIN (for the 10th time) how Jayjay fell and how he landed. He couldn't believe it - "10 feet?! flat on the floor, not rolling down the stairs?! not a bump?! no broken bone?!" We said... "It was a miracle, Doctor. Angels protected him." He looked at us like we were nuts or something like that.

Psalm 91:11 - For he will order his angels to protect you wherever you go. (NLT) I will never read or think or look at this verse the same way again... ever! And if Jayjay will ever come to a point in his life where he will doubt God's plan for him, the Superboy boy story will once again be told.

Mommy, I gotta tell you something...

2008-11-24T20:14:00.000-08:00

My eight-year-old came to me this morning as I was just getting ready to get out of bed. He normally greets me with a hug, a kiss, and a "Good morning, Mommy!" So when he came and whispered in my ear, "Mommy, I gotta tell you something," my heart skipped a bit, wondering what could it be that he didn't want his Daddy to hear. He continued to whisper...

"Last night, I prayed that God will keep me away from temptation," he said.

"Where did you get that idea to pray that?" I said.

"When I watched that Veggie Tales video about Larry Boy being tempted to keep on eating lots of chocolates."

"Wow, Jojo! That's really good, bud! But you don't have to keep it as a secret from your Daddy. Why don't you go and tell him that too. He needs to hear that." And yes, he told his Daddy. And then we asked him what temptation is. His answer, "You wanna do something you're not supposed to."

Don't we all need that reminder every so often! My Jojo is only eight. For now, tempatation is sneaking in the fridge, playing video games when it's not play time, lying, etc. For us adults, it's more complicated than those - bad thoughts, hatred, lack of trust, unbelief, lies, pornography, sexual addiction, indulgence on food, etc. etc. etc.

1 Corinthians 10:13 says "No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it." (emphasis added)

Joseph in Egypt is always the first one that comes to my mind. Jesus did not promise a problem-and-temptation-free life here on earth but He promised a life of VICTORY and FREEDOM! Praise be to Him!

You Are Beautiful

2008-11-06T01:56:00.000-08:00

No one knows her inner struggles. Probably no one ever will. When others look at her, she seems to be happy and content. The hurts she experiences and the emotional and physical pains that come with them are sometimes too much to bear. Today was just another one of those sad days for her. All day long today, tears continually rolled down her cheeks. No one noticed, though. She was hurting... again. She felt betrayed... again. She felt alone... again. "Oh God, when is this going to end? How much longer do I have to bear this pain?" was her heart's cry.

At 5:00 o'clock in the afternoon, as she paused for a little break from mopping the floors, she decided to look out the back window. The sun was full and big, ready to set and hide beyond the horizon. The sky was the hues of purple and pink, mixed with the orange sun. She paused... Her heart was speechless... She was in awe of God's beauty!

You are beautiful beyond description, Too marvelous for words,

Too wonderful for comprehension, Like nothing ever seen or heard.

Who can grasp Your infinite wisdom?

Who can fathom the depth of Your love?

You are beautiful beyond description, Majesty enthroned above.

And I stand, I stand, in awe of You. I stand, I stand in awe of You.

Holy God, to whom all praise is due, I stand In awe of You.

And if the beautiful sky wasn't enough to confirm God's love for her, God showed her another thing. She walked to the front side of the house, loooked at the sky and lo, and behold she saw a clear rainbow painted on a pink-orange sky. She dropped her mop, stretched out her hands, and fell down in full prostrate adoration before her Mighty God. "Lord, You are beautiful indeed. I don't need to know the why's in my life. I don't need to ask you to take away my hurts and pains. I just need to do what you created me to do - to worship and adore You. I love you, my Lord. Only you can bring beauty from the ashes. Help me be content in Your love and in your infinite wisdom. You are beautiful beyond description!"

With tears still rolling down her cheeks, she continued mopping. This time with a different resolve in her heart, knowing that God loves her - unconditionaly!

Who created mathematics, anyway?

2008-11-01T00:21:00.000-07:00

I got this through email from a friend. The author is unknown. This is awesome, just shows we have an awesome God, His wisdom is unfathomable!!!

From a strictly mathematical viewpoint...
What equals 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?Did you ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been in situations where someone wants us to give over 100%. How about achieving 101%? What equals 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26,

Then H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K would be 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E would be 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%.

But A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E would be 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%.

And look how far the love of God will take you:
L-O-V-E-O-F-G-O-D 12+15+22+5+15+6+7+15+4 = 101%!

Therefore, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that:
While Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Love of God that will put you over the top!

Oh, No!!! My keys are locked inside the car!

2008-10-20T21:46:00.000-07:00

If it has to happen, it has to happen to me.... and it has to happen on the day my husband is three hours away. LIFE Camp was over. I was so proud of myself for being independent and thankful to people for helping me take care of our three boys all week long. Everything was packed on Thursday morning, the day we left camp. The car was all loaded up and I was ready to start the car and then... ngeeeek-ngeeeek-ngeeeek-ngeeeek-ngeeeek! Uh.... try again.... ngeeeek-ngeeeek-ngeeeek-ngeeeek-ngeeeek! The car won't start!!! Urghh! I ran to the reception area to see if there was anyone who could help me jump my car. I've never done it before ! Thanks to two guys who helped!

As we wiped the sweat off our faces (it was very hot and humid!), as we breathed a sigh of relief, and as the two guys closed the hood, I also closed the trunk and side doors while the engine was running. And then... my eyes got big when I realized the car automatically locked all the doors, with the keys in the ignition, with the engine running, and me standing outside looking shocked and helpless. I called Ed and he said we would have to wait two and a half hours for him to get there. Jenni kept saying "Oh, no! Darlene! Oh, no! Darlene!"

Thankfully, several pastors were still on the campus. Pastor Roger McCarty tried to stick a hanger in the window. Pastor Soonthorn had his tool box with him so they tried to open the side windows. And yes, they did and it opened! A tiny Thai gal crawled into the back seat and unlocked the door for us.

Lesson learned: make extra keys and give Jenni a copy. Also, attach one under the car somewhere.

Kidding aside... as the guys were trying to get the windows to open and the ladies praying and cheering on the side, I was thinking... Wow! What a beautiful picture of these people working together. Just like how God expects us to work together... peacefully, harmoniously, brainstorming on what we can do next. We are a body of Christ, each part unique. Each one has a job. Each one working together towards the same goal.

Romans 12:4-5 says, "For as we have many members in one body, but all the members do not have the same function, so we, being many, are one body in Christ, and individually members of one another."

Oh... thankfully, Baby Jayjay wasn't locked inside the car. That day was his first birthday too!

Happy Birthday to Me!

2008-10-04T06:39:00.000-07:00

Today I'm officially in the "late 30's" bracket. Aaah! I'm old. I know, I know... you who are in the 40's and above are saying, "Wow! She's young!"

I have this mindset that on my birthday I deserve to be treated like a queen. I expect my family to treat me like one, just for today. I expect to get a chance to go out and do some self-pampering. I didn't get a chance to do that today. Not even a special meal (well... at least, not yet. That will come tomorrow). I told myself today that I don't like having a birthday on a Saturday. Saturday is ministry day for us so not much time for pampering. I was kind of disappointed.

I sat down at the bar in the kitchen waiting for Ed to bring dinner (We ordered out because I couldn't cook. Not because it's my birthday, but because I cut my thumb real bad today. That, itself is another story. Ha!) As I was saying, while waiting for the food, I sat down to finish my unfinished coffee (leftover from this morning... I rarely dump leftover coffee!) My three little boys were there too. Eleven-month-old Jayjay was clapping his hands... as happy and content as he can be. Four-year-old Boom-Boom was pretending he was fixing dinner for me - "chicken breast, rice, and broccolli," he said. Seven, almost-eight-year-old Jojo was putting dishes back into the cupboards and drawers. While he was doing that he said, "Mommy, I love you very much, all day today!"

Wow! That just made my day! My birthday couldn't get any better than that. I didn't need "Mommy Pampering Day" after all. My boys took care of that for me. Birthday presents don't always come in packages or special privileges. Sometimes they come in little hearts so pure and innocent!

If You Love Me...

2008-09-28T13:07:00.000-07:00

(originally posted on Yahoo!360 December 18, 2006)

As parents, my husband and I always emphasize the "heart attitude" every time we discipline or teach our sons, especially our almost-6-yr-old who understands more than the 2-yr-old does. We tell them that to obey is to show love to Mommy and Daddy. He responded to me one time by saying, "But I don't want to love you!"

Aren't we the same as adults? Most of the time we don't admit it like our Jojo does. We know exactly what we need to do in obedience to God's Word but we deliberately disobey him. "But I don't want to love you, God. I want to love ME now and give ME what I want."

During Sunday School hour in our home church yesterday, our teacher spoke on the book of John, chapter 14. Verse 21 says, "He who has My commandments and keeps them, it is he who loves Me..." Our teacher then explained that obedience is showing love. Obedience must come from a heart that is willing to follow and demonstrate that love.

"Jojo, what is obedience again? Obedience is doing what you're told to do, when you're told to do it, with a happy heart attitude." We're still in the works... and for the most part our boys are really sweet. Many times Jojo obeys because he's afraid to get in trouble like being sent to his room for time-out, or loose a privilege, or get spanking. This morning, this issue came up again. And we discussed immediate obedience with a happy heart attitude AGAIN... not with a lousy attitude. Whew! I trust the Lord that someday he'll get it. Ha ha! For now, God entrusted us with his little life and his still tender heart. We just want to be faithful parents... showing our love for the Lord through our obedience in disciplining and teaching our children.

"If you love Me, keep My commandments." John 14:15

Adoptive Fathers

2008-06-12T20:20:00.000-07:00

(originally posted on Yahoo!360 for Father's Day 2006)

Happy Father’s Day to all the Dads in the world, especially to the #1 Dad – my hubby! I know… I know… I’m biased. But really… He’s a great Dad! He loves our boys and he is their best friend. He gives them showers. He changes diapers. He plays ball with them. He takes them to parks. He goofs off with them. He disciplines and teaches them. He says he’s willing to die for these two precious boys God blessed us with.

The picture above was taken just a few days ago in Michigan when we went to see the Weber family. In the picture are Harry, Boaz (the little boy) and Ed. You see, all three of them were adopted. Harry was adopted by Grandpa Weber when he married Grandma Weber. Harry adopted Ed when he married Ed’s mom. And almost two years ago, Boaz was given to us and we adopted him! Maybe this is the kind of legacy the Weber family is leaving for the next generations to come. Whatever it may be, these three “boys” were blessed to have adoptive Daddies who were willing to love them even though they don’t have the same blood.

In the same way, God adopted us into His family through Jesus Christ and our faith in Him. We were undeserving of His love for us but yet He was willing to die for us. As His adopted children, we are equal heirs of everything good that He has prepared for us. Praise be to Him for being our Heavenly Father who is ever loving and merciful!

Ephesians 1 "3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, 4 just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love, 5 having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will, 6 to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He has made us accepted in the Beloved."

Indescribable

2008-06-10T03:02:00.000-07:00

by Chris Tomlin

(There's really nothing much I could say about this song. God is AWESOME!)

From the highest of heights to the depths of the sea
Creation is revealing Your majesty
From the colors of fall to the fragrance of spring
Every creature unique in the song that it sings

Who has told every lightning bolt where it should go?
Or seen heavenly store-houses laden with snow?
Who imagined the sun and gives source to its light?
Yet conceals it to bring us the coolness of night None can fathom!

“Indescribable, uncontainable!
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God! All powerful, untamable!
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim,
You are amazing, God!”

“Incomparable, unchangeable!
You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same.
You are amazing, God!”

In His Hands

2008-06-03T08:53:00.000-07:00

One song I sang a few years back was “In His Hands.” The chorus goes this way:

In His hands there’s only safety
Nothing there can touch me except Him
Bring your burdens and all your failures
Lay them down and rest here… IN HIS HANDS.

The picture above reminded me of this song and one of my favorite verses in the Bible:
John 10:28-29 “And I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; neither shall anyone snatch them out of My hand. My Father, who has given them to Me, is greater than all; and no one is able to snatch them out of my Father’s hand.”

What a comforting thought! With so many things happening in the world now… war, natural calamities happening in every continent, heartaches, incurable diseases, immoral state of mind of the human beings, even the threat of being unsafe in your own home… Jesus, who is God, is there to keep us safe if not physically, spiritually. I know that I have security in Him for all eternity. Praise be to HIM who is greater than he that is in the world!

When I grow up I want to be...

2008-06-03T08:39:00.000-07:00

(originally posted on Yahoo!360 on September 14, 2006)

From childhood up to my teen years I changed the continuation of the phrase above probably at least a dozen times. My mother told me that at four years old I declared that I wanted to be a Pastor’s wife. You see, I grew up as a Pastor’s kid and my Dad was a great Pastor and man of God. Then I wanted to be a Doctor until I realized how long I had to be in school. I decided to be a nurse. Then I figured God gifted me with musical abilities so I wanted to be a concert pianist… Then a recording artist…then a teacher… and on and on.

I am in my mid-30's but I’m still a kid inside and I still have dreams. Yes, dreamS. And here they are:

When I grow up…
I want to be a voice in an animated movie. Maybe as a little girl character. Or maybe a character with an Asian accent. I can do really good Filipino or Thai accent.

I want to be a recording artist and become a back-up singer for Steve Green.
I want to be a nutritionist.
I want to be a graphic artist.
I want to be a professional Biblical counselor.
I want to write a book.
I want to be as skinny as I was 8 years ago (you know, the before-children-came era of my life :D ).

It’s not like my life is boring. In fact, I barely have time to accomplish things I need to do daily as a wife, a mom, my son’s home schooling teacher, and a missionary. Sometimes, I still find myself daydreaming. But of all the many hats I wear now, I would never exchange those dreams above for the privilege God has given me as a wife and a mom.

God is good and faithful. And in spite of the ups and downs, life! is! good!

Letter to Amy

2008-06-03T08:04:00.001-07:00

(originally posted on Yahoo!360 on June 4, 2006)

June 4, 2006

Dear Amy,

I have been wanting to write this letter since we met two weeks ago. That was an unexpected yet very welcomed surprise. I still laugh when I think about my question to Ed on our way to your parents’ house: “What are the chances that Amy will be there today?” He said, “Slim to none.” I just want to be honest and open with you. You’re welcome to share this with whoever you desire to. I just want to put in paper and let you read of how God has orchestrated my life and Ed’s life for His glory. And you are part of the big picture. Here’s how….

It was almost twenty years ago when you and Ed were dating but of all his past girlfriends, I had really been curious about you. When we first got married, I found a pile of pictures of you that he took when you were still dating. It made me jealous for quite awhile. I didn’t realize that it was just one of the things he had in his box – things (more like junk J) that he’s collected over the years. In that box were also pictures and letters from many other friends. The jealous and selfish me made him throw them out in the dumpster. I shouldn’t have. Those were fond memories of friends since high school.

I asked him so many times how special you were to him and many other details in your relationship that only a woman would care to know about. I’m glad you told me you’re the same way. I have to admit, though, that I was jealous of you.

But then... as the years went by and hearing of Ed’s testimony of God’s sovereignty in His life over and over again, I realized that you are part of God’s plan. Ed and I know that you were both young and naïve. You were both not living for the Lord then. You both made ungodly choices but yet, God worked it out for good for His glory. Amy, because of you, God led Ed to Winston-Salem, NC. He was so heart broken after your bitter break up but God used that to bring him back to Himself. He started attending church again and after a series of events met a guy that attended Piedmont Baptist College, who invited him to check out a class there. He ended up enrolling as a full-time student. As a missions major at PBC, he was required to take a missions trip and so went to Thailand. That’s where we met.

You see, Amy, if he didn’t meet you he would have never moved to Winston-Salem. Because of your break up, he came back to God and attended Bible college. And then we met. And then we got married and went back to Thailand as full-time missionaries, along the way blessing us with two boys.

That day I met you, God just directed our paths. A Sunday evening church meeting got cancelled so we took our time by driving through downtown Winston-Salem. We also stopped at Reynolda Gardens and Piedmont Baptist College to take pictures. It wasn’t luck at all that you and your mom drove into your drive way the same time we arrived there. It was God! The timing couldn’t have been more perfect! Ed was so nervous about seeing you, thinking that you still held a grudge against him. It was a very moving experience for me watching Ed ask for your forgiveness for hurting your feelings seventeen years ago. It took everything in me not to cry when you both hugged and forgave each other.

I have no reason to be jealous of you, Amy. If I do, it means I refuse to acknowledge God’s sovereignty in Ed’s life. If I do, it means I refuse to accept the fact that you were God’s instrument.

So… THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for being part of our lives. When we left your house that night, my heart just swelled with gratitude to our God who is just AWESOME & SOVEREIGN! I realized I found a new friend – her name is Amy! I love you with the love of the Lord!

Life abundant!

2008-06-03T04:24:00.000-07:00

(originally posted on Yahoo!360 on May 20, 2006)

Browsing through my digital pictures from 2001 to the present, I came across this picture my hubby took of me on my very first vineyard trip in Kamphaengphet, Thailand. The vineyard was not that big but it was amazing how the short, little vines can produce so much fruit! It made me think of the word “abundant” or “abundance” in the Bible. In the translation I use, “abundant” appears 23 times; “abundance” appears 77 times. Many, if not most, of those verses referred to God and His divine nature. Here are a few verses I collected:

Numbers 14:18 The Lord is longsuffering and ABUNDANT in mercy, forgiving inquity and transgression; but He by no means clears the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the father on the children to the third and fourth generation.

Nehemiah 9:17 They refused to obey, and they were not mindful of Your wonders that You did among them. But they hardened their necks, and in their rebellion they appointed a leader to return to their bondage. But YOU ARE GOD, ready to pardon, gracious and merciful, slow to anger, ABUNDANT in kindness, and did not forsake them.

Psalm 86:5 For You, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive, and ABUNDANT in mercy to all those who call upon You.

Psalm 85:15 But You, O Lord, are a God full of compassion, and gracious, longsuffering and ABUNDANT in mercy and truth.

John 4:2 ...for I know that You are a gracious and merciful God, slow to anger and ABUNDANT in lovingkindness, One who relents from doing harm.

I Timothy 1:14 And the grace of our Lord was exceedingly ABUNDANT, with faith and love which are in Christ Jesus.

Psalm 65:11 You crown the year with Your goodness, and Your paths drip with ABUNDANCE.

Wow! I have a life of abundance – abundant with God’s mercy, grace, love, kindness, goodness and patience. In the Book of John chapter 15, Jesus talks about Him being the vine, and we are the branches. Only if we abide in Him, we bear much fruit. I want to abide with THE VINE so that my life will be a fruit that springs forth from Jesus alone.

How much do I know You, Lord?

2008-06-03T04:07:00.000-07:00

(originally posted on Yahoo!360 on May 14, 2006)

Oh, I Want To Know You More
Written by Steve Fry
Recorded by Steve Green

Oh, I want to know You, Lord
Deep inside my soul I want to know You
To feel Your heart and know Your mind
Looking in Your eyes stirs up within Me
Cries that say “I want to know You!”
And I would give my final breath
To know You in Your death and resurrection
Oh, I want to know You more

In the book “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman, we are urged to know our love one’s love language so we can love them the way they want to be loved, not the way we want to love them. We won’t know how to do that unless we observe them and get to know them intimately. The same is true with God. But many times we loose our focus on Him. God is awesome. God is vast. There’s no end to understanding His power, His uniqueness, Hi love.

“O Father, may I never be too caught up in myself and my worldly daily tasks. Please forgive me for the countless times that I ignored You and put You last on my to-do list. I love you, Father. Help me to show You everyday how much I love You. Thank you for loving me unconditionally.”

If we truly know God, we can show Him our love like we ought to, and we can glorify and honor Him. And the reward? Joyful and abundant life, a life that shines in darkness.

(the picture above is my husband's photography, taken in Kailua-Kona, Hawaii on his 40th birthday)

On Motherhood, Dedicated to All Moms

2008-06-03T04:00:00.000-07:00

(originally posted on Yahoo! 360 on Mother's Day 2006)

Four baskets of toys emptied on the floor… Lincoln log pieces, trains and train track pieces, books, more toys, CDs and DVDs, pots and pans, Easter eggs, sofa pillows and cushions…. All on the floor! Every floor space in the house was filled with something. I stayed up late on the computer one night, working on our website. Oh, what a chaos I woke up to the following morning!

What could possibly have gotten into the minds of my five-year old and my toddler? Can’t they play with just one toy at a time and be happy with that for a few minutes? Why does everything have to be scattered all over the house? Aren’t toys enough? Why does my toddler have to mess with the pots and pans in the kitchen and the CDs and DVDs too? Aargh!

Aah, Motherhood…
There’s never an end to laundry and ironing. Never an end to cleaning up after the mess of my two boys. Never an end to cooking and doing dishes. Never an end to saying “No, don’t touch that. No, don’t climb there. No, don’t play with that.”

Now flip the coin…
“Mommy, I love you! Mommy, I need help. Mommy, please read this book to me. Mommy, can I lay down next to you? Mommy, I picked these flowers for you." (actually they were weeds but hey, he thinks they’re flowers!)

Eighteen years will be short. These boys will be off to college before I know it. The never-ending moments of cleaning up after them and scolding them, hugs and kisses and the sweet moments that I treasure with each of them… they will all fade into just memories. Memories that for now, are just piling up. Memories that they will take with them into adulthood. Memories that I will take with me into my sunset years and into my grave.

I am a mom and I love it! I would never exchange it for anything. Happy mother’s day to me and to all mothers who do their best to do a great job in the career world of motherhood! God bless us!

Are You Loved?

2008-06-03T03:56:00.000-07:00

(originally posted on Yahoo!360 on April 25, 2006)

“He will feed His flock like a shepherd; He will gather the lambs with His arm, And carry them in His bosom, And gently lead those who are with young.” Isaiah 40:11

“He will feed His flock like a shepherd…” speaks of God's provision. He gently leads us to green pastures, not to dry land. He takes us to still waters so we get satisfaction and fulfillment. He provides our every need – physical, spiritual and emotional needs.

“He will gather the lambs with His arm, and carry them in His bosom” speaks of God’s tender loving care, protection, and faithful presence in our lives. So many people feel so unloved and uncared for. So many people do not experience peace because they don’t know if they will be safe but as God’s lambs, He takes care of us.

“And gently lead those who are with young.” Speaks of God’s direction. A lot of people are just going through the motions of surviving life without direction and goals. But those who trust in the Lord will receive daily direction. We know that He will be with us every step of the way.

What an awesome verse that reminds us of God’s unchanging love! May He be the LOVER OF YOUR SOUL and may you find satisfaction in knowing that He loves you whether you want to admit it or not. Am I loved? Indeed, I am!

Fretting, Fighting and Fussing

2008-06-03T03:43:00.000-07:00

(originally posted on Yahoo!360 on April 24, 2006)

Fretting means worrying.
Fighting means resisting.
Fussing means complaining.

All of those terms describe me when trying situations come my way. I fret because I couldn’t see how the problem can be solved. And then, when God or other people show me the solution and it’s not what I expected, I fight and I fight. And when I don’t get my way, I fuss and I fuss until everyone becomes tired of hearing me fuss.

I read somewhere that 90% of our problems are just fretting. Only 10% are actual problem happening. When I fight and resist, everything is affected. I have a lousy attitude about everything and everyone around me. I couldn’t see any other way but mine. I get hopeless and miserable. When I fuss, I am like the woman that the book of Proverbs mentions about:

“A continual dripping on a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.” Proverbs. 27:15

How annoying is that! Wow! I become annoying to my husband and my kids when I do those things. I forget about other people and about other things. All I think about is “I, Me, Mine.” May may daily prayer be that I have “a gentle and quite spirit which is more pleasing in the sight of the Lord.” How humbling!

TUGGING AND PULLING, My Kite Festival Experience

2008-06-03T03:37:00.000-07:00

(originally posted on Yahoo!360 on April 19, 2006)

Last Saturday, my sweet hubby took our kids and me to the annual Kite Festival in town. It was my first kite experience, EVER! The boys had fun and so did I. Lots of people went to fly their kites – octopus kite, Nemo kite, lobster, airplane - you name it, they had it, even a trash bag kite. It was a perfect day, the sun was out and the wind was strong.

I sat on the grass and watched my husband teach our oldest son how to fly our kite. You have to toss it up and release it. Then, you have to tug and pull, and tug and pull, release more string. Tug and pull some more until it goes up, up high. Then, a thought came to mind…

How awesome is that! I can’t help but think how my life is like a kite. God waits till there’s enough wind for me to fly. Then He releases me. I feel the wind tossing me every which way possible. Sometimes it’s too hard to see where I’m heading with the wind tossing me in every direction. I feel the tugging and the pulling… and it hurts. But then, I soar up higher and higher and higher to heights I never could imagine reaching.

And the comforting thought about this is that… with all the wind tossing me back and forth... With all the pulling and tugging that I feel many times hurting… GOD WAS THERE ALL THE TIME. He never lets go of the string! He was the one who kept pulling and tugging me so I will overcome the wind and soar higher! God loves me! He wants the best for me! He helps me attain things for Him and for His glory! What an awesome God! May I always be a beautiful kite for Him.