God Loved on Me

I thought I had a pretty good understanding of the fullness of God's love until I started this "Love Journey" study that our home church Senior Pastor had put out for our church family over the summer months. It's an eight-week study that makes you dig into God's Word daily, have you memorize Scripture passages weekly, and challenge you to act on specific "Love God" and "Love Others" commandments. I'm only on the second week but I'm learning so much and I'm getting so much blessing from His Word.

I wrote this blog a few years back, "Are You Loved?" But now I realize I do not have a good grasp of God's love, especially for me. That's probably the reason why I'm still having a hard time loving others. Oh, I sure do love my family and friends; but they're easy to love. How about the ones that aren't? Yesterday I had just a tiny, ittty-bitty, little sneak peak of God's love through someone I met only twice. Both meetings were "chance" meetings which I like to call, "divine appointments."

During our first meeting I had no idea who this person was but from our conversation, all I saw was God's love and truth flowing out of her. Like I could almost see them spilling over like an overflown cup. My life was forever changed. I was challenged to change my life into a walking-by-faith-not-by-sight life.

Yesterday, I was sharing something with her from my heart. I felt so confident and so mature-like. Her response was, "I don't want to talk about those, I want to talk about your life. I think what you just said was an attitude of spite. Until you bend down on your knees before God and your heart goes down too, God cannot work amazing things through you." Ouch! The rebuke I got was spoken in such love and compassion that I felt like I got spanked by the Heavenly Father but yet at the same time, I felt very much loved. If was a weird feeling. I didn't feel condemned or shamed. I just felt... LOVED!

As I was leaving the room and walking out in to the hallway, this "older" sister in Christ called out to me, "I love you!" I responded, "I love you, too!" And all of a sudden I felt this warmth all around my body and I was in tears.

You see, I learned shortly after our first meeting that this dear sister is of royal blood (literally, a royal descendant). She didn't look at me as a commoner and a foreigner in this country. She looked at me with equality through the royal blood of Jesus Christ. All I showed her was immaturity, lack of faith, and a judgmental attitude... amongst other things; but she saw past that.

God knew I needed that experience to make me have a visual picture of God's love, just to get a glimpse. Just a glimpse.

Noticed something in that picture above? There are lots of roses all around but the butterfly chose to land on the withered one and it sat there for a long time! I'm kind of like that rose - withered, ugly, ready to fall to the ground. But like the butterfly, God saw something in me, landed on me, and loved on me.

1 John 3:1, "Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God!..."

Wow! You Blow Me Away, God!

I don't know how many times I said this today: "You blow me away, God! You blow me away!" God is working in our lives in ways we've never seen before. It's one thing to have faith to believe that God can and will do great things for His glory, but it's also another thing and a totally, equally faith-requiring, life-changing experience to be a part of that great thing and knowing that it could only get greater because God is ready to display His unlimited power and His unparalleled greatness.

[OK. Sorry, that was a looooooooooooooooooong sentence. Probably the longest sentence I've ever written in my life! Hahaha! You can tell I'm just really blown away. Please bare with me.]

I'm awestruck. This is beyond my faith; beyond my reasoning; beyond what I ever dreamed of. When God speaks, He speaks - in His terms. When God gives vision, He gives vision only to advance His kingdom - what we are are nothing but broken vessels. When God commands, He commands in His will with so much unconditional love attached to it. When God leads, He leads and provides what we need (spiritual, emotional, physical) along the way - without us having to think or worry about those things because He already prepared the provisions.

Deuteronomy 10:21 says, "He is your praise, and He is your God, who has done for you these great and awesome things which your eyes have seen."

The question now is... Is my heart ready and open for Him to do all that He wants to do through me? Am I totally 100% without any reservations going to make myself see His greatness and His glory?

"Oh, Lord! I am but a pebble in the sand. My faith is even smaller. Please work a miracle in my heart. Amen."

Pesky Ants

I love living in Asia. I can survive the heat and humidity elevens months out of the year. But the ants? I can't stand them! I STRONGLY dislike them. They seem to just come out of nowhere. I'm beginning to believe they have a stronger sense of smell than dogs have. In fact, just yesterday... I brought my mug to my computer table so I could get on facebook and check email while sipping my hot coffee. I was half-way through my mug and the ants started crawling up!

Ant societies have divisions of labor, communication between individuals, and an ability to solve complex problems. These parallels with human societies have long been an inspiration and subject of study. (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ants)

The Bible mentions the ants in Proverbs 30:25, "Ants are creatures of little strength, yet they store up their food in the summer."

I found myself mesmerized by a group of ants carrying a pea that I dropped on the ground. A few things came to mind:

1. These ants are quick! It didn't take them long to smell food. They didn't waste any time.
2. They work as a team. Only one cannot accomplish the task... it's too big and too heavy!
3. They are constantly busy. Day in and day out, they're in my house. Sometimes they get into really gross stuff in the trash that I don't care to mention here.
4. They're ambitious - big goal setters. Oh the things I've seen them carry are beyond my understanding!
5. They persevere. The task is big; the destination may be far; the road along the way is not always smooth. Yet, they accomplish what they set their minds to do.

Wow! I will end with this.... shouldn't we, humans, emulate those characteristics when it comes to working together in God's ministry? We (mainly ME) tend to sit contentedly in mediocrity in what we should accomplish. We bask in our separatism and reluctance in working with others to achieve the same goal for God's kingdom. We over-celebrate individualism and focus a lot on the "me" than the "all about God" mindset. I have to admit, I have failed in these areas over and over again.

Next time I see ants, I need to remember those five things. "Lord, grant me the courage to be what You want me to be to accomplish what You've given me to do."

Keep Looking Up, Dar!

One advice that I so habitually ignored when I was young was to apply Hebrews 12:2: "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith..."

In WHATEVER we face in life, we ought to fix our eyes on Him alone. He loves us so much that He is interested in everything we do. He is the source of our faith and He is also the one who can polish it into something pleasing in His eyes. He delights in knowing every single detail of our lives because He adores us and loves us.

I've been reminded over and over again these past few weeks about Peter wanting to walk on water when he saw Jesus walking on water. I'm sure you know the idiom, "getting your feet wet." Peter's scenario was not the origin of the idiom (it was Joshua and the Israelites' Jordan River crossing, actually). Many times we don't get to experience big things in life or the things that God has prepared for us because we are afraid to "get our feet wet." Peter wasn't perfect. He lost his focus on the Lord (back to that verse again); but he was brave enough to get out of the boat, not like his fellow disciples who were scared! to! death!!!

I gave this same illustration to a dear friend a few years ago when she was in doubt about God's specific leading in her life at that time. I think I remember telling her this, "Unless you step out in faith out of that boat, you might not find out what God has in stored for you."

I still struggle to fully focus my eyes on Jesus. I so often allow the things around to distract me from focusing my gaze on my Lord. Many times I'm afraid to ask God to give me the courage to ACTIVELY seek His direction and revelation in my life because I'm afraid of changes and I'm afraid that the things that God will reveal to me will blow me away, out of my comfort zone.

I think, a great pair to Hebrews 11:2 is Jeremiah 29:11: "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." All I need to do is trust God that all that He has for me are only for my good. Keep looking up, Dar!

Shame on Me!

What is going on with me? Why so emotional?

I was sitting at the kitchen table to rest my feet after cleaning up from Sunday's lunch fellowship in our Student Center/Church. I can hear Selah playing on the little boom box in the other room. "Depth of Mercy" played. I had never really listened to the words before but today I did.

Depth of mercy; can there be mercy still reserved for me?

Can my God His wrath forbear me, the chief of sinners, spare?
Heaven find me on my knees; Hear my soul’s impassioned plea
Depth of mercy can there be; Mercy still reserved for me

Then Selah's own rendition and arrangement of "I Surrender All" came on. Growing up in church as a pastor's kid, to me that song is old and out of date, or so I thought, compared to the newer more touching, feel-good songs. The rendition was so heart-felt that the familiar words pricked my heart and made my mind think of the profoundness of the familiar words.

All to Jesus I surrender; Make me, Savior, wholly Thine
Let me feel the Holy Spirit truly know that Thou art mine
I surrender all; I surrender all
All to Thee, my blessed Savior
I surrender all.

I walked over to the little boom box and played again the two songs I just listened to. I got teary eyed. What very powerful words I heard today. The depth of God's mercy for me is unfathomable. Every single day His mercies are new - never out of date, never stale, always fresh. I was crying. I was overwhelmed. God loved me so much that He gave His life for me, a very wretched person with reprobate qualities by nature! The least I can do is to surrender all of me and whatever accompanies my being. Just because I am a missionary and living in a land away from my family and friends doesn't mean I have given my all to God. I still struggle with letting go of so many things in my life. I struggle not once a year, once a month, or once a week. I struggle daily! Why is it so hard to let go and let God take control of all of me knowing He knows best and only has my best interest in mind?

I appeal to you therefore, brethren, and beg of you in view of the mercies of God, to make a decisive dedication of your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy (devoted, consecrated) and well pleasing to God, which is your reasonable (rational, intelligent) service and spiritual worship. [Romans 12:1]

Wow! The Apostle Paul couldn't have said it better! Period. Shame on me if I give God anything less than my all, my whole being!

Don't Get Fooled Again!

Don't get fooled by that little, sweet, innocent face. He's trouble. He makes life really exciting for us. Having three young children at home with no maid or nanny is really not that hard EXCEPT... having a two-year-old. Ha! That's totally another story.

Exciting event in the Weber household: Mom fills up the 10-liter water filter. Baby empties it all. Kitchen is flooded (thank God we have tiled floors!!!). Mom and older boys mop the floor. Kitchen is clean!!!

[January 20, 2010] One day it was a 2-liter water bottle that got emptied inside the fridge. Fridge got cleaned too! I... love how a 2-yr-old's activities force you to clean your house. ;-) Right after that, he threw a NT Bible, a joystick, a place mat, and a sock out the window on to the awning roof. And just now, tried to get into my vanity cabinet. life is exciting for me!
[March 5, 2010] Events that took place in a matter of five minutes while I was eating breakfast: toddler dipped his toy trucks in my tea; toddler got into the spice cabinet; toddler got into plastic container cabinet; toddler colored the kitchen table with yellow and red crayons. I turned around to clean up his mess and he ate my breakfast!!!

[April 11, 2010] Just recently he started throwing crying fits while squeezing the tears out as hard as he can. It's hard not to laugh in front of him. Sometimes, he also pretends he's crying like his older brother, Boom, and then laughs at himself.

Strawberry milk shake mustache
(sorry my lens got fogged up)

Look what he did to my Easter egg dye
when I turned around to dry the eggs!

But then...
there's the irresistible smile and
the hugs and kisses that come with it.
Ahhh! I love this boy and I'm so blessed to be his mommy.

"What My Feet Pleat!"

My two older boys love art and I try my best to allow them to enjoy that. I hate the cleaning up afterwards. Although they clean up most of it, I still have to make sure there are no paint drips or open markers laying around for the baby to grab and paint the walls. Hahaha! Yesterday was no different. The boys were doing some finger painting. Being the trouble-maker that he is, Boom-Boom got paint all over his shirt, mixed blue with yellow, and dripped paint all over the floor AND stepping on them! I ordered him to go to the bathroom so we can wash his feet. A few seconds later I heard this conversation:

Boom: Manong (big brother), can you wash my feet?

Jojo: What do you say?

Boom: What my feet, pleat! (Boom language which means "Wash my feet, please!")

Jojo: OK.

How many of us are willing to wash our sibbling's feet? At age 8? Not me.

^{John 13:4-8 [Jesus] got up from supper, and laid aside His garments; and taking a towel, He girded Himself. Then He poured water into the basin, and began to wash the disciples' feet and to wipe them with the towel with which He was girded. So He came to Simon Peter. He said to Him, "Lord, do You wash my feet?" Jesus answered and said to him, "What I do you do not realize now, but you will understand hereafter." Peter said to Him, "Never shall You wash my feet!" Jesus answered him, "If I do not wash you, you have no part with Me." NASB}

^{These two boys are not even biological brothers but they are inseparable and they always help each other. And partly because of that, they learn to love and appreciate each other. Of course, they do argue and fight just like other kids but they do serve each other on a regular basis. I was going to wash Boom's feet and I probably would have done it with matching yelling at Boom-Boom for being so careless. Jojo did it with a willing heart. I even heard the two boys giggle in the bathroom. What a good example Jojo was to me about servanthood and humility.}

My Life is Service

It's been a month since my last posting. What a busy month June had been for our family - travels, guests, English camps at two schools, and as I am writing this we are hosting a team of thirteen people. We've had plenty of ministry opportunities - ministry ministry, ministry to friends, ministry to my family, etc. It seems like the whole theme was on service. Funny... because right when I was at the point where I was so emotionally and physically tired of serving other people, I saw this sign on a law firm door: "My life is service." It was like God giving me a slapping reminder on the face. "Darlene, your life is service."

Serving God by serving others is joyful and easy when we are full of energy and are vibrant in attitude. But what about those times when we are exhausted, fed up, selfish (what about serving ME this time?), and being required by God to do an extra act, an extra task, an extra hour? Are we still joyful? Am I still joyful? Much as I hate to admit it but there were a few times this past month when I wasn't a happy camper because I had to serve more than I was willing to.

Philippians 2:3-4 says, "Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others." (NASB)

When we willingly obey God about serving others, He gives us joy and contentment in serving even if there wasn't a fanfare appreciation for our deeds. That's when God is pleased with our service!

Joy and Hope

I really don't know but for some reason this phrase kept popping up in my head yesterday, "the joy of the Lord." Hmmm...

...the joy of the Lord is my STRENGTH. Even when I am tired, discouraged or just plain have no motivation, the joy of the Lord is my strength.

...the joy of the Lord gives me JOY. It's not based on what I have or don't have. It's not based on my mood. It's not based on any of my accomplishments. Not even on my spouse or my kids. It's based on who God is!

...the joy of the Lord is my HOPE. Too many people around me are sad, discontented, feeling like a failure, wandering around with no goals and direction. Sad to say that some Christians are the same way. But when I put my trust in Jehovah, He gives me the joyful anticipation of knowing that He has something wonderful planned for me and my family.

Psalm 19:8 says, "The precepts of the LORD are right, giving joy to the heart. The commands of the Lord are radiant, giving light to the eyes." That's what Christian life should be right there - joyful and hopeful!

Beauty

Just two days ago, people around the world anticipated the "Britain's Got Talent" finale. Seven weeks before that, Susan Boyle, took the www by storm. If you got on the internet regularly, you most likely heard her angelic voice or saw a video of her first performance on the big stage. When I first saw her video I cried. I then researched the search engines on whatever I could find about her. What a lowly background! She deserved to win although she came in only second. Blogs and news reports went flying the moment the winner was revealed on BGT's finale. Sad to say, many people had to say something not-so-nice about Susan's physical apprearance.

Beauty is very subjective. As a famous quote says... "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." Most people think that you have to be good looking to be successful. In my own experience, many times I get better service if I'm wearing make-up and dressed nicely. It clearly depicts the mindset we are emerged in . One of my favorite Bible verses is found in 1 Peter 3:3-4:

Your adornment must not be merely external--braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.

Two key words: merely and precious.

"Merely" clearly states that the outside apperance need not be neglected, but should not be the only important thing. "Precious" gives a picture of a gem - something beautiful to behold; something that is far more of value to God than the latest fashion trend and accessory.

Susan is not one of the most attractive person in the music world out there. I see beauty and strength within her. I try to see beauty beyond what is obvious to the eye, although I don't always. Someone recently posted this on her facebook status: "The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think." True about men. True about women too! I'm guilty as charged. Many times I put too much emphasis on how I look outside that I totally neglect "the hidden person of the heart." Oh, Lord, have mercy on me!