Mussings At the Gym with Some Pouting

So, here I am, sitting in the gym lobby with flip-flops and a pout on my lips. Nah, you really can't see it on my face but inside me, yes. The boys are in their swimming class. I'm supposed to be working out but I left my running shoes in the house. Dog gone it!

Policy is... You can't leave the premises while your kids are in here. Ed's out playing golf with some guys from our church. I wish I had my Kindle in my backpack so I could at least read a book for 1 1/2 hours! Ugh! But I never bring a book to the gym and I'm not one of those that can read on the treadmill or the spin bike. I just can't keep my balance if I read and run at the same time. Hahaha! Thankfully, I have my [not so smart] phone with me so I can type and get entertained.

So what's the point of this blah-blah-blah? I got a bad attitude. I'm pouting like a school girl who didn't get her way. More like disappointed with myself. With Ed not around, I can't get myself together. How do single parents do it all? I have become so dependent on my husband.

Back to the question, what's the point of this? One, I need the Holy Spirit to take control of my emotions so I have a better attitude. Galatians 5:22-23 says, "The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control." When I'm walking in the Spirit, those things will manifest in my life. No questions, no excuses. The opposite of walking in the Spirit is walking in the flesh. Oh, how easy it is for me to revert back into walking in my sinful flesh! Now I'm singing [in my head] Steve Green's "Fruit of the Spirit" song to shake off the pouting and keep the attitude in check.

Two... I should be happy I get a day off from working out. My body probably needs it. I can always do something when I get home to make up for it. For now, I can go back to the pool and watch the boys swim and see what they've learned in just two weeks of swim lessons.

Thanks for reading this lengthy post.

Why Did You Eat My Ice Cream?!!!

I was mad and totally disappointed that I was in tears. My husband responded, "But it's just ice cream, honey! I can get you more."

"But they're closed already, it's already 11PM" I replied. I was really upset because I was looking forward to eating my leftover ice cream from several nights ago. I don't eat it very often so I was reserving it as a treat to myself for eating well and working out all week. But it was gone. My hubby ate it.

"I would have been willing to share if you just asked; but you didn't!" Crucifying him with my tearful accusation.

What is wrong with me! It's just ice cream! No, I'm not pregnant. I just needed sugar. Hahaha! And a better attitude.

For two Sundays, the preaching at church cut me like a two-edged sword to the core of my heart. I was almost in tears during sermon last Sunday. Our Pastor is doing a series on Jesus' Sermon on the Mount from Matthew 5. "Christian Counter Culture," he calls it. Last week and this week, he hammered on how we show on the outside how good we look as Christians but we are rotten inside; how we are fake; how we build facades to hide what we really are inside; how we don't hunger for righteousness; how we like to go with the flow to please people.

I am guilty as charged. To most people, save my family and my close friends, I look good. I like to pretend I'm good. I like to show I got it all together. But I know deep inside I don't. I am just the opposite, in fact. Matthew 5:7 says, "Blessed are the merciful for they shall receive mercy." Being a child of God I am a recipient of God's mercy and grace. And because of that I ought to show mercy and grace to others. I am a fake. I can't even show mercy to my husband who ate my precious ice cream! I have three little people in my home that look to me, watching how a Christian should live life. When I have a bad attitude, I fail to point them towards Christ. How can I teach my boys how to live a Christian life that's pleasing to God if I don't do it myself? "Oh Lord, have mercy on me because I am a failure." God and I had several conversations regarding a sin issue for the past two months. I am stubborn but His love and grace pursue me.

So, before I finished writing this post, I had to swallow my pride and walk over to my husband and ask for his forgiveness for the way I acted last night about the ice cream. I'll strive to do better.

"Let's go get some more ice cream. Whatever flavor you like." He said.

Oh, You of Little Faith!

Between my husband and I, I'm usually the one who is stronger in faith when it comes to finances. I grew up in a third world country with my father a Pastor of small churches. Money was always tight... very tight. I owned only two pairs of shoes - one for school and one for Sundays. That's a far cry from how many pairs I own now. Quite embarrassing, actually. I won't mention the many other things that I had few of or things I didn't have growing up. The Lord always provided for our needs. I've watched my parents carefully spend what little money we had. We never owed anyone but we always had food on the table.

For some reason, this week I just really struggled with lack of faith that God will provide for us this month. As I looked at the things that we need to spend for and the low dollar exchange, my heart sank. "Lord, we don't have enough!" In my worry, I started to feel a tight knot in my stomach. Why am I all of a sudden feeling this? I've seen over and over and over again God's faithfulness and provision. 

As I was editing this photo, I was reminded of this verse passage.

Luke 2:22-28:

And he [Jesus] said to his disciples, "Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat, nor about your body, what you will put on.

For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing. 

Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds!

And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?

If then you are not able to do as small a thing as that, why are you anxious about the rest?

Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 

But if God so clothes the grass, which is alive in the field today, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith!

God will take care of our needs. He always has because He is faithful. Jesus went on to say in verse 33 about selling what we have in order to give to those in need. He didn't just stop to say that our Heavenly Father will provide for us. He also commanded us to share and meet the needs of others. God is good and He is love. I just need to trust Him - daily.

He Knew All Along

Hold on to your hats, friends! This is going to be a long one but you may want to stay with me. It shows how blessed I am in spite of what happened.

We were running behind my planned schedule. Nothing new. Ha! The boys were finishing school for the day. I wanted to leave at 4 o'clock in the afternoon to pick up Ed at the airport. His flight wasn't coming in until 11:30 that night but I wanted to go in early to take the boys to a mall children's play place. I also wanted to check out the Office Depot at that mall, eat dinner at a Food Court, and still have time to relax in our hotel room a little bit before heading to the airport. My plans... that's all they were.

I've gone only about a mile from the house and my cell phone rang. I didn't recognize the number so I told Jojo not to pick it up since I was driving, anyway. Five minutes later, Jenni, called and told me Ed was trying to call from Tokyo. His plane was detained on ground more than two hours already. He told me not to bother meeting him at the airport. He would just get a taxi to the hotel. I was really looking forward to meeting him at the airport with him being gone for a week. But there was no telling what time he'd be in.

Only ten minutes after we got on to the big highway, I wasn't getting any power on the gas pedal. I pulled over to the side and turned the engine off. Turned it on again... nothing.... Tried again.... nothing. I was getting nervous. The car died on me! I hope this wasn't something major. I knew I had a lot of gas in the tanks (regular and LPG).

I called our mechanic in town and he said he was sending his guys to help me out.

Although I was fine and calm about the whole incident, I have to admit was little scared - a little woman like me on a big highway with three young boys. I could be a magnet for bad guys out there. But I had so much to be thankful for:

1. I had my plans but God still makes plans for me, overall... and always for MY best.
2. Ed's flight was delayed so I didn't have to feel so bad about not being there at the airport to meet him.
3. We were still within town limits. I was only twenty minutes away from home and our mechanic's shop.
4. We got stuck at  a U-turn spot where there are street lights. Before and after that point, it was dark.
5. We really have an awesome mechanic with very helpful assistants. They've rescued us many times already. Once, they drove an hour one way to get to us because we couldn't find anyone in that town to help us. That night I was stuck on the highway, after coming to check out my car, the employees went to our house, got their boss to bring his tow truck, got the ministry van, and drove it to where I was so I didn't have to waste time going home. They treated me like royalty, helped me with the boys, checked to make sure I had oil and water in the van, and made sure I drove away safely.
6. All the time, my boys were content even though they were hungry (it was 9 o'clock before we got to stop for supper). They entertained themselves. They were understanding and helpful when I needed help.
7. And the icing on the cake? That picture above. What a beautiful sunset sky we were looking at while sitting in the car waiting for help. (picture is straight out of the camera, no editing whatsoever!)

I will fear no evil, for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

Psalm 23:4b

God knew all along this was going to happen. God is a caring and loving God, for no reason at all other than just because His very nature is LOVE. He didn't leave me with no help. I had my cell phone; I was able to call our mechanic (I had his number!!!). Many friends on facebook were praying just because I was able to update my status and our co-worker/friend, Jenni put out a prayer request on her status, too. I was tired that day but thank God, I put hot coffee in my travel mug with me!

Wun Khawp Khoon Phra Chao

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! I have so much to be thankful for on this "Wun khawp khoon Phra Chao." (That's literally translated as "Day to thank the Lord) This being thanksgiving week, here's what I'm thankful for this week. Not that I'm not thankful the rest of the year. On the contrary, I am so-oh blessed there's too many to list. So... I'll stick to just this week:

- My sweet husband. He had to fly to the States for a funeral but he made sure I had a full 1,000-liter tank of water and 17 more filled jugs so I don't have to do much water run while he's away for a week. And he mopped the floors too! So thoughtful and so caring.

- On Monday, we celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary. I am thankful that my husband is also my best friend. 

- Jenni Starkey, our friend and co-worker. She kept the boys for us for two days so Ed and I can go on our anniversary date.

- The little things that God orchestrates because He knows what's going to happen ahead before we even know, like.... Ed was able to get a seat on a flight to the US just a little over 24 hours before he had to check in. You know how hard it is to get a seat this week, Thanksgiving week??? The lady at the counter asked Ed how he got a ticket because the flight was fully booked!

- Our frequent flyer miles through Delta Air. Ed's round trip plane ticket was less than $400! He was told that the regular price would have been $1,700!!!

- Jenni already planned to take the week off of language school this week before we learned about Pastor Tim's passing. Jenni has been a big help to me while Ed is away.

- Magic Jack! So we can call the States unlimited for free. If you don't know what it is, just Google it. Ha!

- I am rejoicing over the salvation of a dear girl who finally made it right before God regarding eternity. My heart swelled after I heard the news.

- I got to see a friend from college that I haven't seen in 15 years. I am so encouraged by her love for the Lord and heart for missions.

- Pastor Tim Nyhuis. He was Ed's youth pastor since Ed was about 10 years old at the church where he got saved. He was Ed's friend, mentor, and spiritual father through the years. The man had literally seen Ed through teens years, military, college years... ever since he first knew Ed! They talked on the phone only a few weeks ago. So thankful for a man of God who poured out his life on Ed and the many people that God entrusted to him through the 33/34 years he had been at Hartford Federated Church in Hartford, Michigan.

See? I told you, I have a lot to be thankful for, and that's only for this past few days. Tomorrow, Jenni, the boys, and I will travel to Bangkok to celebrate Thanksgiving with other American missionaries. Looking forward to food and fellowship! Happy Thanksgiving again!

How To Be Nice To Others

A few weeks back I was reading Luke 6:27-45 and found this really good list on my Bible's footnotes. This is just straight from my Scofield Study Bible. I can't improve more on this one so I'm just going to type it word for word.

HOW TO TREAT OTHERS
Tell the truth when testifying about your neighbor. Exodus 20:16
     Do no covet anything that belongs to your neighbor. Exodus 20:17
Love your neighbor as yourself. Leviticus 19:18
     Don't move your neighbor's boundary marker. Deuteronomy 27:17
Don't take your neighbor to court. Proverbs 25:8
     Don't visit your neighbor too often. Proverbs 25:17
If someone forces you to go one mile, go two. Matthew 5:41
     Pray for those who persecute you. Matthew 5:44
Do good to those who hate you. Matthew 5:44
     Love your enemies. Luke 6:27
Bless those who curse you. Luke 6:28
     If someone takes your cloak, give your tunic too. Luke 6:29
Give to everyone who asks of you. Luke 6:30
     Lend to others and don't expect anything back. Luke 6:35
Don't judge. Luke 6:37
     Don't be a stumbling block to others. Romans 14:13

I found myself feeling guilty for NOT doing most of what's on the list. The Holy Spirit gave me a new light to that Luke 6 passage as I was reading it that breezy, dewy morning. It is nothing but Jesus' commands for ME, as a child of God, so that I may show HIS love to others.

♪ ♫ ♬ In my life, Lord, be glorified, be glorified.

In my life, Lord, be glorified today. ♪ ♫ ♬ 

Q & A: My Spiritual Journey

OK, this is going to be scary. Mainly because I'm going to be opening my heart a little bit wider than I am comfortable with. Oh, I don't have a problem with that - when face to face. It's different when you're doing it online because you'll never know who's reading. You can't see the other person's facial expressions and response to what you just said.

There's a lady who's blog I've been following. Ashley Sisk did something like this on her blog to share a little bit about herself. I wanted to do it to but focus mainly on my spiritual journey. I trust that the God of grace, mercy, and love will encourage your heart as you read. So, here we are:

One: When did you become a Christian? I realized I was a hopeless sinner and that I needed a Savior. I asked Jesus into my heart sometime after I turned four. I don't remember the exact date but I can still vividly remember the events surrounding that rainy afternoon when my mom shared the Gospel with me.

Two: Was there a time after that that you thought you were still headed to hell? Oh yes! I asked Jesus to come into my heart several more times until I was in sixth grade and just gave everything over to the Lord.

Three: If you can turn back the clock, would you undo something? A definite yes. Not just something, though. Several things, actually. Sometimes, Satan still tries to put guilty feelings in me and tempt me to forget Christ's work and sacrifice on the cross. Thank God for His love and forgiveness. Whew!

Four: How were you as a teenager? Oh no! Bad! Attitude, lying, self-worth struggles, feeling unloved, seeking all other things other than God, troubled friendships, and the list goes on. I can sum it all up in 1 John 2:15-16, "Do not love the world or the things of the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world - the desires of the flesh, the desires of the eyes, and pride in possessions - is not from the Father but is from the world." I didn't know how to love others and who I am in Christ because I didn't love God.

Five: Was there ever a time when you wanted to call it quits as a Christian? Yes. I thought things would be easier away from God. But the more a got away from God, the more I didn't have peace and joy in my heart. Several mature Christians saw and understood my predicament and reached out to me in love and in prayers. I thank God for using them to rescue me back to Him.

Six: What was it like growing up as as Pastor's kid? Hard. Partly because there was a verbal expectation of how I should behave because I am a PK. Partly because I rebelled because something was expected of me. I didn't really understand what it is to just please and honor God from the bottom of my heart.

Seven: Did you always want to be a missionary? No. In fact, when I was in Bible college for one year, I gave my life to God for full-time Christian service during missions conference but specified to God in my prayer that He ought to call me to serve Him just in the Philippines, nowhere else, especially not in Thailand. Ha!

Eight: How did you end up being a missionary in Thailand? I was serving at a church in the Philippines, the same church I attended while in college. Half way into my second year of full-time work there, I sensed that God was calling me to Thailand. It was weird. I would wake up in the middle of the night and "see" myself teaching kids in Thailand! I was very happy and content with my ministry in that church so I was perplexed. Six months later, I was on a plane to Bangkok with my Aunt, Miss Marina Cagas, who's been a missionary to Thailand for 35+ years now.

Nine: What are your favorite books other than the Bible, of course? Oooohh! I have so many. One book that I keep going back to is "Instruments in the Redeemer's Hands - People in Need of Change Helping People in Need of Change" by Paul D. Tripp. It's a counseling book but I find myself needing it over and over again. One I'm currently trying to finish is "The Cross Centered Life" by C.J. Mahaney. I have several books on my mental list that I'd like to read next. I love to read.

Ten: Since there are 10 questions here, can you name ten people who have been helpful in your spiritual walk? My hubby, of course. My papa. My mama. Nan Mosher. Connie Ceballos. Romillas Necesito. Levi Layos. Took Hammond. Lisa Caynor. Robert Mullen.

Cause I'm Random, Just Like That!

Do I have ADHD? I couldn't keep still. My friends in grade and high schools used to to call me not "Darlene Dawn" but "Darlene Prawn" because I literally jumped all over the place. I didn't know how to walk; I ran! My attention span was always short. Or maybe it still is.

Even now, it's still hard for me to focus on just one thing at a time. I keep finding myself multitasking. But do I multitask because doing only one thing bores me to death? Do the two previous sentences mean the same? I'm loosing my focus. Ha! I am consistently in awe that God would choose me to be where I am now to do what I do now considering the "ME."

today's rainbow mentioned below

Anyway, so here are my random thoughts today:

It's been three weeks since I last wrote on my blog.

I miss being in the States during the fall season.

(Looking out the window) Oooh! The clouds are beautiful. It's really bright out. Man! Jayjay broke my sunglasses. I need a new pair.

Jay, I wish you didn't slobber all over the balloon before you asking me to blow it.

What should I fix for dinner? Maybe pizza? I have dough in the freezer.

It's really hot and humid today.

My house is a mess. I'm too lazy to pick up the pageS that my toddler tore off of a book.

I really should go out for a run today.

The toddler needs to take a nap.

I need a nap. Weird, because I had eight hours of sleep last night.

This coffee is not keeping me awake. Or is it the hot weather that's making me sleepy?

I need to take Jayjay's three-year old photo today or sometime this week.

It seems like UNO cards just keep appearing out of no-where. I keep finding them around the house.

It's almost the end of October.

I'm thirsty.

I've never fixed garbanzo beans (chick peas) before. What do I do with the pack that I bought from the grocery store four months ago???

I'd like to try a new recipe this week.

I really like Sam Tsui's voice.

It would be fun to go camping with my little fam. Maybe during our Christmas break.

I'd like to finish reading the book, "The Cross Centered Life" this week.

OK, so now... it looks like it's going to rain. Again.

And the sky is bright. Again.

I need to get off this computer and do something productive.

There are ten guys sitting and chatting outside in front of the shop houses, discussing about their motorbikes.

It's almost 5PM. I need to start dinner.

I hope I get to visit my parents soon. It's almost three years since I last saw them. *sigh*

Cold Stone ice cream sounds very good right now.

Look at that beautiful rainbow in the sky. I can see all the colors! I'll take some pictures.

I need to end this list. It's almost 6PM and I haven't started dinner yet.

I am so distracted and I am not making sense. ADHD?

Hahahahaha!

My "38" List

Thirty eight. There! I said it! That's how old I am. Here I am sitting at my computer at 2:30 in the morning - WIDE AWAKE! I made this silly rule at home that I don't cook on my birthday. We either order in or eat out. We went out for dinner tonight. Our favorite restaurant in town is having Mexican buffet for four days. It was a very pleasant surprise. Yumm! Coffee and tea came with the meal so I had latte, a strong one! So now, here I am so wide-eyed.

In honor of my age, here are 38 things I am thankful to God for: (in no particular order, except #'s 1-7)

1. God. He chose to love me in spite of me.
2. My hubby. He ain't perfect but he's perfect for me. I thank God for his servant's heart. I am one spoiled wife!
3. Josiah, my oldest. He is a talented and smart boy. He corrects my grammar and he always strives to make me happy.
4. Boaz, my middle one. I am forever in awe that God chose me to be his mommy six years ago. It's amazing how much he looks like me! He loves to make me cards and write me "notes."
5. Micah Jasper, my youngest boy. He makes me laugh everyday. Sure, he's a toddler and throws tantrums but he is a sweetheart. I'm so blessed to be given the chance to raise up another boy.
6. My Dad. He always pointed me towards God. His love and devotion for the Lord became my guiding post through rebellious teen years.
7. My Mom. She fussed at me when I got lazy but now I am so thankful she did. She prepared me for my wife and mom duties now.
8. My extended family - both my mom and my dad's sides. I am thankful for the Christian heritage all the way from both sets of grandparents.
9. Marina Cagas, my aunt. She was the one who prayed for me as a young girl that God would call me to be a missionary. She was the one who brought me to Thailand for the very first time in 1996.
10. Music, for the opportunities God gives me to serve Him through that.
11. The love to cook. I've had so many wonderful memories of fellowshipping with friends and family over food in my kitchen.
12. The ministry in Kabinburi. I learn so much about faith, service, and love for God and others.
13. My middle son's birth parents for entrusting us with his life. That's bravery on their part and God's great display of His sovereignty.
14. Thailand, Thai people, and Thai food.
15. Missionary friends. They teach me a lot. They pray for me a lot. They understand where I'm coming from when I feel discouraged.
16. Jenni Starkey, our co-worker and friend. We learn so much from each other. I've known her since 1997.
17. Coffee!!! LOL!
18. Photography and the chance to have it as my hobby.
19. My high school close girl friends. We still are very close and still keep in touch on a regular basis. Thanks to email, facebook, and texting.
20. Shenandoah Baptist Church family (our sending church) in Virginia. We are beyond blessed to have these people in our lives.
21. Financial supporters who sacrificially give so we can be here in Kabinburi.
22. Prayer warriors that faithfully uphold us before the throne of grace so that we won't pack our suitcases and leave the mission field.
23. Running. And the strength and love to do it.
24. My closely knit friends who help me walk in the right path through their friendship, prayers, and encouragement from God's Word. You know who you are.
26. Water at Jenni's house. Even though we don't have running water at our place, Jenni's place is only kitty-corner from us.
27. My flower garden. It's my stress reliever and one of my favorite places to find a subject for photography.
28. Believers in Kabinburi. They are encouragement from God when I get discouraged. God reminds me that these believers know the One, true, and living God because God called us to here.
29. Facebook. I'm serious. I live away from family and friends and facebook is how I get connected with everyone. I don't get as lonely anymore as I did years ago before social networking was born.
30. The opportunity to live in the US for a little while before coming back to Thailand full-time. I met SO many wonderful people. Some of them became like family.
31. Carpal tunnel syndrome. What? I'm thankful for that? Yes. When it acts up, I get to rest and my boys get to do my job. Hahaha!
32. "The Andy Griffith Show" and "Gomer Pyle, USMC" on DVDs. Those are our regular entertainment at home.
33. Christian Thai friends.
34. Non-Christian Thai friends.
35. Our local market just 500 meters down the road from us. It is so abundant with fresh fruits and vegetables e.v.e.r.y.d.a.y!
36. Street side restaurants all around our area. Oh, especially when I'm lazy or too tired to cook.The foods are cheap and very delicious.
37. Thai massage!
38. The last but certainly not the least. Intentionally, written as the last one - God's Word, the light on my path so I can walk the straight and narrow way to the Heavenly Father's heart.

I wrote this in 59 minutes. I could have written more but I had to stop at that number. Praise God from whom all blessings flow. I am one blessed girl!

What's Ministry and What's "My" Life?

So many of my friends are blogging. It's mostly about their random daily lives and some life lessons thrown in here and there. I love reading them. They help me get to keep up with them and not miss them so much, unlike before facebook and blogging became popular.

I have been thinking lately about my own blog. Should I convert this into "all" blog and not solely my spiritual journal? Should I start blogging about my family life and other random stuff? That will be another blog added to four that I already maintain: Ministry Blog, My Boys' Blog, My Photography Blog (I think you should totally check out my photos! Hehehe! Well... all of those blogs, really!), and then this one. Whew! Four!

But then I had a light bulb moment! Aha!

There's really no dividing line, not even a fine dividing line between "my life" and my ministry. My life IS ministry. First, our house is also the ministry building. Second, my main ministry is my family. Third, my husband and I are the ministers in this ministry. Even our boys help out a lot in this ministry.

Someone once asked me, "Don't you want to live in a place where it's not the ministry building?" Another one asked, "Don't you want your privacy?" Yet another one asked, "Don't you want to get a maid or a nanny or a tutor for your boys (we homeschool) so you can minister?"

Here are my answers to those questions. "Yes!" But that is not what God wants for me. My life IS ministry. (I said that already, didn't I?) People watch how I keep my house, how I train my boys to help in the house, how we live as a family. Where we are, there's not much of that for people to see. We are a light here. Do I want my privacy? Ummm... Do I have something to hide? God wants us to be bearers of His light and His love. We need to SHOW what Christian life is all about. Who/what I am in private should be the same in public. I say, should, because I'm not always that way. God help me.

"That you may show yourselves to be blameless and guiltless, innocent and uncontaminated, children of God without blemish (faultless, unrebukable) in the midst of a crooked and wicked generation [spiritually perverted and perverse], among whom you are seen as bright lights (stars or beacons shining out clearly) in the [dark] world." [Philippians 2:15 (Amplified Bible)]

Back to blogging. I'll keep this as my spiritual journal. You can read about our family/ministry life through our other blogs mentioned above. Even my photography blog shows a lot about our everyday random lives here. Thanks for stopping by this blog and I hope you are blessed. Please come back often.